Why Christian School???

I have wanted to write this blog for a long time. But I kept putting it off because I didn’t want it to ever sound like I was saying that one way to raise your kids is better than another. So my disclaimer is I believe there is no superior way. I believe that we all do what is best for our kids. I believe when you do that, no matter where you are, God will take care of the details. However, I am frequently asked why I chose private Christian schooling. Here it is.

It began with my own journey at Christian Life School (now Christian Life Academy, CLA) a very long time ago…ok.  My parents wanted to me to have a Christ-centered education. I happened to be one of the first few classes to start there, since it was a new school at the time. Remember – many...many years ago. 

I was there preschool (K3) to 3rd grade, and then returned for 8-12^thgrade. This is where the foundation of my faith was built. This is where I learned verses that I can still recall today. It’s where I was just able to be a kid without the pressures of the world weighing me down. It’s where teachers cared enough to pray for you each day. I know because I saw my name on their notepads in their bibles. Some of us needed extra prayers.

Mrs. Heikes, my 3rd Grade Teacher at CLA

Ellie (CLA 2009), Mrs Heikes, Colleen (CLA, my year), and Karen St. John. Karen still teaches there!

Me, Rachel (CLA, 1999), and our BFF Jen Hatmaker :)

For a kid to see that, it impacts them. It reminds them that, beyond their parents, they are loved and cared for. It’s where I saw parents rally together to help each other when others were going through hard times. When a teacher needed new tires for her car or someone needed a Bible, it was taken care of. 

We were showed how to serve others, whether it was cleaning our school, doing yard work for a widow, or going on a mission trip to Dominican Republic. These shaped who I am. They spoke to my heart. They also happen to be some of my favorite memories. I don’t think that is a coincidence.  

This school is where a lot of “my people” come from, some were not even from my own grade - some were teachers who have become like family. These are the people who have my back, encourage me, believe in me, and we do real life together. 

Just a few of "my people" on a trip last year together. They are some of the bravest, kindest, strongest women I know. They are amazing moms, wives, friends and all have great careers. 

More of the amazing friends, and teacher I get the privilege to do life with. The girl across the laps in front Colleen and I have been friends since we were 4 years old, my soul sister for sure. 

You may find it surprising that we actually sent our first born to public at first. I wanted to send him to CLA. But at the time we were daunted by the money and I believe I was pregnant…again. In hindsight, we wish we would’ve walked in faith, filled out the financial aid packets, and done what we could’ve to get him there.

Those three years were not all bad. But Liam is still getting over some of the bad memories that were made there. We dealt with 5^th grade boys bullying him…starting in kindergarten - to the point where he was given a bloody nose in 1^st Grade. 

1^st Grade... 

This doesn’t even count the times that his clothes were made fun of (the insignia on a Nautica polo made it “a baby shirt”), kids opening up bathroom stalls on him…I could go on. 

I was told “boys will be boys.” 

We dealt with the scary books/costumes at Halloween time that gave our sensitive kid with the vivid imagination nightmares. He heard older boys talking about different kinds of sex on the bus. Again…he was five. The boys on the bus were 10.

We noticed him growing angry and more defiant with us and with everyone. It seemed too early to be going through all this. Wasn’t he supposed to love school?? I remember reading the book on raising boys by Dr. Dobson and he had some great advice on bullying and school, basically to do what you can to remove them from that kind of atmosphere.  

After prayer, and conversations, my husband and I decided to take another look at Christian Life, and to make the leap. We were not sure how we were going to swing it, but we did. The next year God provided the $$ for us to send both boys and we were able to pay in full. The lesson God keeps teaching me is that when you do something hard for the benefit of your family, God rewards that. Every time.  

Our Liam is a different kid. He loves school and loves his friends. He gets to be a normal 8-year old. The biggest change is his own relationship with God. He reads his Bible...on his own, people. He knows more verses than one of his parents…not me ;) I thought we talked about God a lot in our house, but this has made God even more a part of our home. 

The teachers pray over each child on the first day of school

The most precious Christmas program to date 

Hands on learning

Liam has been able to see what “the church” looks like as well. His very first week at CLA, his new friend, her mom, and sister were in a severe car accident. Liam was devastated. But he witnessed how the school prayed relentlessly for this family. The older kids came in and prayed with the younger kids. Liam took to heart that every time you think of them, we pray. 

I would see him in the backyard stopping to pray, I would hear him in the bathroom. We gathered at our own church and we prayed like never before. These kids were able to witness “how we do” when life goes awry. They now see Gods miracle everyday walking the halls, as the family was healed. They have heard the story of that day and the miracles that took place. It is something that these kids will never forget. It has shaped and continues to shape who they are. 

Liam with his 2nd grade class showing support for the family last year

My husband, who was pretty skeptical about sending our kids to private school, is now one of its biggest cheerleaders – not only because he sees the difference in our kids, he sees the difference in the older kids. He helps with the drama team in the high school and he can’t get over how good, kind, and generous the kids are. I’ve seen these older kids stop and hold the door for the younger kids, when I knew it would mean they would miss their bell and be late. I have seen them stop and help when someone has slipped and fallen on the ice. These little things matter.  

One day, I hope our state will let us use our tax money to go to the school to which we want to send our children. But until then, this money is the best money we could ever spend. We are spending it on our children’s foundation of what they believe, who they are, and who they will be. We are letting them be kids for as long as they can, and see the church at work – all the while receiving a great education. 

Of course, they will still have to “deal with the world,” as people say. But they will have a greater foundation to lean on as they navigate through it. I know I did.

Fearless 2017

A New Year is upon us....

In reflection, this last year was pretty good to me. It was a year of intentionality for me. That was my word for last year; its theme, if you will. I had seen others do this, where instead of just New Year’s resolutions, you pray and think about a word you want to focus on for the year. Mine was intentional. Every area in my life needed me to be more intentional - my relationships, my marriage, my health, my attitude. 

I feel I achieved it in many ways. I was able to reconnect with friends this last year and spend time with new ones. I got to travel to some amazing places. Zak and I have been more intentional in our time together, devotions, and growing our relationship. Within our own four walls, we have been intentional with family time, and connecting each night with the kids. We aren’t perfect, but we’ve taken steps in the right direction. I was also intentional in my health and exercise. This was a big one for me this year, but it really has become part of my lifestyle dare for the first time. 

The last few weeks, I have been thinking about what my word is for 2017. Through prayer, thought, and conversation, I think my word is FEARLESS. 

If I can be totally transparent for a moment, the word itself gets me worried. Why this word? What will I have to be fearless against? ...and the thoughts keep going. 

Hence why it needs to be my word. 

I have taken some steps in bravery over the last few years in saying “yes” to things I would have once avoided. But I have still tiptoed around doing fearlessness fully. I still worry too much about what others think. I still worry too much, period. 

So this year I want to be fearless - in who I am and in who God created me to be. 

I have always felt out of place, like a misfit my entire life. The harder I ever tried to fit in, the more awkward I would become. I have always been a little on the quirky side, and I have never identified with the so called “cool kids.” I was 6ft tall in 6th grade and wasn’t into sports at the time. In fact, when people commented on my height and asked me what sports I played, I would push up my pink glasses, toss back my freshly permed hair and respond with “I like to read books, I don’t play sports.” They usually stopped talking with me at that point. 

The point of my rambling is this, I want to be fearless in the things God has put in my heart and all the ingredients that make up me. I want to walk in that boldly and unapologetically. I want to be okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea. Because frankly, you are probably not mine either. And that’s okay - not everyone is “our people.” 

I am a 6ft tall girl with a Minnesotan accent despite moving and trying hard not to say "you guys." 

I am a bit nerdy, I think a good time is me with a great book.  I love makeup, a great pair of shoes and big hair. I love to read and write and I still mess up on my grammar...all the time. Math is a foreign language to me. I love old movie, movies with heart and soul and all the Lethal Weapons. Don't judge me. I have no rhythm. As much as I want to be good at Zumba, this may never be a reality for me. But I still may go and shake it any ways. I am deeply sensitive, a “feeler” if you will, I feel your pain. My heart breaks every day for the things that others go through and endure. I am social, yet an introvert. My emotions get the best of me most days. I have always talked too much and sometimes say the wrong thing. I have lost count of how many times I have had to insert my big foot (no really size 11) in my dumb sarcastic mouth. Small talk is not my forte, awkward is. I believe I am funny and my people think I am too.  I am done apologizing for being a mess, for taking up too much space in this world, and for not being perfect. I am just going to be who God made me to be. I am the tall, nerdy, awkward girl that likes to wear big hats. Yes. More hats will be worn this year. Amen. 

I want to be fearless in my new position with IJM. It’s a volunteer position but I had to interview for it. It had been ten years since I have interviewed for anything so that alone took me some courage. I want to be fearless in being a voice for those who do not. I want to help raise up more awareness here in Minnesota and grow more and more freedom-fighting partners. I want to be fearless in standing with the 27 million people in slavery today. I want to be fearless for those children being abused, for the young women who are trafficked and tortured, and to fearlessly to be a voice for those who may never have one. 

I want to be fearless in my walk with Jesus - to let him continue to direct my steps and to live “palms up” as Bob Goff says. I want to surrender fearlessly to his will and to trust without always knowing all the details.  I want to be the kind of women that “laughs at the days ahead” and that doesn’t worry about tomorrow. 

I want to be fearless in my faith - the “I hit my knees before I freak out” kind of faith. Faith, I believe is something we learn, something we practice. It’s like confidence or fearlessness - we may not always “feel it.” But when practice it, live it, and walk it out..it follows and grows. When I am not feeling it, I will play this song on repeat. 

This is one of my verses for the year. 

Also this  --  Psalms 91:12 This I declare about the Lord, he alone is my refuge, my place of safety, he is my and I trust him. I want to have faith over fear in my daily life. (Yes, I went a little quote-happy this blog, but there are so many good ones I had to share." 

So as we embark on a new year filled with new memories, adventures - some good and some maybe harder than others - let’s remember what Psalms 9:10 says “those who know your name will put their trust in you, for you Lord, have not forsaken those who trust you and seek you.”

I’m ready. Happy New Year, friends - What's your word for 2017?

Perhaps Christmas means a little bit more....

I wanted to write this weeks ago before we headed into the Christmas season to give some ideas on how we are trying to do Christmas differently in our house. But as usual, the weeks flew by and here we are December 4th and in full-on Christmas mode.

So just a quick note on how we do Christmas. It’s not set in stone. It may work some years and not others. I may find new things to throw in there. I’m crazy like that!

It began a few years back when we had Liam and Kellan. Christmas started to feel a little empty for us. We struggled financially and worried our Christmas's mornings would not compare. In that insecurity we would over leverage ourselves and spend more then we should. On top of that I think our parents may have over compensated for us these years as well, or maybe just excited over grand babies. Either way the boys still ended up with so much stuff.  

We started to see little entitled attitudes beginning to emerge from the boys. They were never really thankful for all they had under the tree. We realized our perspective had been off. Inspired by other bloggers trying to live differently in a world that is already too self-focused, we decided to change things up. See previous blog. 

Ever since Elf on the Shelf debuted, my 8-year old son has begged us to get one. You see, “all” his friends have one and he is convinced we’re the only people on the planet not doing it. I’ve always given a firm NO backed with my reasoning. I get that it can be fun. But I just didn’t want the pressure of one more thing to do each night for the month of December and more focus on “what am I going to get?” It just seemed like too much. 

After much back and forth over the years with my oldest (who I’m pretty sure could be destined for a career as a lawyer), I pitched him the idea of “Kindness Elves.” My friend had told me about the idea last year. I loved it, but just wasn’t up for it that year. And I may have been secretly hoping that they’d forget about Elf of the Shelf. However, firstborns don’t forget. Thankfully, Liam loved the idea of the Kindness Elves and so began the dawn of a new era in the Kane household. At least for this year. Meet Kandy and Kane...clever, I know. wink-wink.

I will keep you posted on some of our random acts of kindness. The first two days went really well! The kids were so excited and giggling, they swear they saw foot prints in the freshly fallen snow that morning. They went to making cards for the mail carrier straight away and we had a lovely morning. So maybe there will be something to these elves after all. 

I have found it true in life that when I’m going through something, sometimes the best way to move forward is to help someone else. There’s a kind of healing that happens. It lifts our spirits just as much, perhaps even more. The times we’ve served as a family are some of my all-time favorite memories. We laugh, meet new friends, and focus on that moment.

The best thing is that it brings us all together as a family, too. We’re on mission together. We’ve seen our kids hearts change. They bring new ideas to the table throughout the year. We have seen a shift in our house and hearts and we like it. The holidays seem a little richer, a little more meaningful. I’m excited for the adventure and new memories that the kindness challenges will bring this season. 

Another thing we have added is the book by Ann Voskamp, "Unwrapping the Greatest gift: A family Celebration of Christmas." Each night, I read a day. I try to make it fun - sitting around having hot cocoa or under the Christmas tree. But there are nights we miss, or times we read it over breakfast. Remember, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Do what you can, keep it simple, and just enjoy it. You can order it here. 

This is our third year where for Christmas gifts for the kids we are doing “something you want, something you need, something you wear, somethings you read.” I think we are lifers on this one. It makes shopping easier for me and less stressful, the kids seem even more content with what they get that morning. It has shifted attitudes and hearts all around. 

Another thing that helps me enjoy this season more is saying “no.” It’s ok if you can’t go to every holiday party that is happening. It’s okay if you can’t face one more day shopping amongst the masses – BLESS YOU AMAZON. It’s okay to know when you need to stay home with your family and unplug.

I think serving and kindness to others are what we’re called to do all year round - to stay alert and do what we can for those in our zone of life. To say thank you more, to remember how hard the postal carrier works, to think of the people in the most thankless jobs.  I like to focus even more so this time of year when we’re spending all this money, trying to find the perfect gifts. It gives us perspective and helps us keep our focus on what truly matters each day.   

It’s important to remember that for so many, this is a difficult time of year. Those who are living paycheck to paycheck are wondering what they are going to do come Christmas. I have been that person and the stress of Christmas was too much some years. It’s important to remember to show our kids that so much of the world doesn’t live this way. But being together and the memories we make are the sweetest gifts of all. So this year (and every year) - “Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more!”

Thankful. 

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love that it’s a season of dwelling on the good things in our lives and less on the stuff we want. I love hearing my children talking more about what they are thankful for, instead of their ever growing list of wants. Anytime I was going through a hard time in my life as a kid, my mom would tell me to go and “count my blessings.” She meant business, too. She would actually get me pen and paper and have me write them out. Even if I had started out annoyed at her simple solution, I did always start to feel better by the end of my list. It’s one of the reasons I love the worship part of church as well. When we start to lift our hands to heaven and praise the King of the world, we remember how big He is and somehow our problems seem smaller. 

As I reflect on not just this year but the many before it, I am in awe of how God has been so good to me. Even seasons that felt like hell, he used the flames to refine me, to give me a deeper appreciation for all I have, and to realize that each day is a gift and each good thing comes from above. He used every moment and season for his glory, for something greater. There were moments he pruned away my selfishness and insecurities (these two may be need ongoing maintenance), anger, and unforgiveness.

What I am most in awe of looking back is that he heard each prayer or cry that I had sent up. Each cry that was in desperation or frustration, he did hear. He may not have always answered in the way I wanted or in the timeframe I would have preferred, but my prayers were heard and answered better his way than my own.

I have been reading the book “Play with Fire” by Bianca Olthoff. It’s fantastic and you should buy it immediately. I have most the book underlined with notes written in the margins. The husband keeps asking when he can start reading it and I may have suggested he order his own copy.

What I am loving about it is that even though her story is different in circumstances and events than mine, her story is my story. It’s your story. It’s the Israelites’ story. It’s about our fight for his plans versus our plans. It’s about walking through the storms of our lives and crying out to him, surrender that we find when we have no more fight. Bianca says that “What looks like impending death or utter despair signifies the beginning of a rescue, a demonstration of resurrection or the impetus for revival.” 

I remember as a teenager being afraid to tell God to have his way in my life. I was scared he would stick me in the middle of Africa with no running water or electricity. I forget which missionary book we read in high school, but I remember a part where the missionary had a gigantic tapeworm that came up his throat looking for food.

A tapeworm. Up his throat. Nope. Not me. Please send someone else.

I was scared that what he had for me, and I would hate. I wanted to try to do life my way. Even though I still went to church and read my bible, I wasn’t fully surrendered to his plan for my life.

I was always envious of those who knew from a young age what they wanted to do or be when they grew up.

I had no clue.

I knew what I didn’t want to do. I had given my list to God many times. All I did know was that I wanted to travel and be a mom. I knew I wanted to make a difference in this world and somehow make it better. 

I remember crying out when Liam and Kellan were small and money was so tight I wasn’t sure how we were even going to be able to buy food the following week. I remember during this same season, where loneliness was my companion, as I was still adjusting to this stay-at-home mom gig. This time in my life was so overwhelming I could barely eat. If you know me, this is never a problem for me. I began praying for new friends, old friends, people to do life with. 

I look back at these seasons and I see that God never left me. He used each season for his good. He is God and he can take the worst things in our life and still find some way to redeem them if we let him.

But all of these answered prayers took steps of faith as well.

He put people or events in my path that led me to where he wanted me to be. Yes, sometimes it was all him, when he sent money out of the blue or a local pastor pulled up with a trunk full of groceries when he didn’t even know how much we needed them. But sometimes it took me stepping out of my comfort zone. For example - my very first night at Moms’ Group at church, I was terrified.

But the very first person who came up to me, not only eased my fear and made me feel welcomed, but turned out to become one of my closest friends.  

Pregnant with twins, Noonday’s vision was on my heart and I said yes to becoming an ambassador even though it didn’t make sense to start something with two impending babies. But I couldn’t shake it. Not only did it bring amazing friends into my life, it broadened my mind. I found women whose hearts were also breaking for what broke God’s and were wanting to live differently. Noonday then led me to work with IJM, and my eyes were opened even more to what was going on in the world. 

I find it ironic that after having my twins, I have traveled more than ever before. First with IJM to Washington DC to lobby. Something that, again, I was terrified to do! God has used even more trips since then to stretch me, strip down insecurities, and know that I am rooted in him. I’ve gone to Austin TX, with Noonday, Paris & Costa Rica with husband, Miami with friends, and Greece & Cyprus with church. 

If you would have told me years ago, that I would go to these places after my twins, I would have never believed you!

We serve a good God. It’s taken me years to accept and understand the depths of God’s love for us, for me. I still struggle at times with comprehending the how and why. But as a mother, I know the love I feel for my children. He loves us even more than that.

Mind blown right?

But when we start believing that, we live differently. We see everything differently. Fear and doubt may still come in, but we remember whose child we are. I stopped caring what others think of me and cared only what he thought of me. It’s freeing!

God never had to prove his love for me, but all through my life he keeps on showing me. He keeps on pursuing me. He is the only one that will work the broken things in life for good. He is the only one that will never leave us or forsake us. He will never reject me no matter what I have done. We may go through hard times but he will never leave me, and for that I am eternally thankful.

I think God wants us to cry out to him more. He already knows what you’re thinking and feeling. I still struggle and have desert seasons. I still wrestle with feelings and emotions I don’t know what to do with.

He knows you’re angry or hurt, and have so many questions...wait that might be just me.

I have so many questions, thoughts and feelings - bless it. 

He can handle it. Bring it to him. Lay it all out there. Be authentic with the one who created you. One thing Bianca says in her book that I love and triple-underlined is this:

“If God knows all - including my heart and mind - why do I have to express myself aloud to Him? Why do I have to pray? And here’s what I found. Yes, God knows our hearts and hears the faintest whispers for help rising from the deepest places in our spirits. But when we’re desperate enough to cry out, we are humbled. And when we’re humbled enough, something happens - God responds with saving power.”

So this Thanksgiving, if you find yourself in a desert in your life, I pray you seek God and cry out to him. Seek life-giving friends and a life-giving church. Say “YES” to what he puts in front of you. Take it moment by moment. I’m a believer that we were made for community and to do life together. It’s not going to be perfect. It’s going to be messy and beautiful all together. You can’t have the good without the bad...don’t make me start singing the theme song to “Facts of Life.” You get the point. The amazing thing is a lot of the time the answer is each other, were meant to do this “bruitiful” life together (thank you Momastery).

I’m so thankful that God answered my prayers and has sent me amazing group of women who make me better and friends from my past who are my soul sisters. I know that during my trials it was the “your pain is now my pain and we’re in this together” kind of friendship that kept me going. Im so thankful to my family, to my Moms and Aunts who prayed and helped whenever they could. I would not be here with out them. 

God gives us each other.

So this Thanksgiving, that verse in the bible that use to always slightly annoy me saying “rejoice during trials” is actually true. I like the message version "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try and get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you will become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way" (James 1:2-4). I am thankful for the flames that surrounded me and that keep on refining me. I am thankful for the moments I got to feel His peace and know He was there. I am thankful for the people who were Jesus to me. I am thankful that God hears my cries and loves me despite of my shortcomings. I am thankful for all he has given me, for my beautiful children and all he has restored. I am thankful he loves me, all of me.

I am thankful.