I have never doubted that God has a sense of humor. Today, he used my own blog title as a reminder for me. I am certain he finds us very entertaining, as we do our own children. I sometimes picture him face palming himself, like “not again child!?” or “when will you learn this lesson?”
The last month has been nuts. It seems we have tried to fit everything into the last 3 weeks of summer. In Minnesota, we do this, not to see how crazy we can make our lives, but because we know the cold is coming and we will be trapped in our houses for several months. In the midst of traveling every weekend, day camps, and getting ready for school, Zak was in a car accident. Thankfully he is fine, but we are down to one car at the moment. Everything around our house seems to be breaking. *Warning newlyweds* - all of your gadgets, spatulas, etc, have about a ten-year life span then they all start to fall apart. Homes I would say 5 before major stuff breaks. So make sure to budget for this. On top of it, we all got sick too…shocker.
Just life. It’s how it goes.
I’m calling it a summer hangover.
But with no recoup time, this mommy is on E. Empty. Nothing left. Nada. Zilch.
I think the kids are too - although they recover quicker than adults. We had major meltdowns at the grocery store which had me day dreaming of hanging out in solitary at the local psych ward.
This week, Liam has robot camp every day from 9-11:30. It takes us about 30 minutes to get there with no traffic. I haul the kids in and out and off to something else while he is in class. The twins, who we still call “the babies,” even though they are close to being three are tired and not digging all the car time and disruption to their normal routine.
Fresh after surviving the most stressful grocery store visit the day before, today we were headed off to class, only to end up in a major traffic jam. I had planned on dropping off Liam and then heading to the Zoo with the rest of the kids. The traffic was not lessening and Liam was upset that he would miss this morning, no matter how much I reassured him. The twins were in a chorus of screaming, knowing we would now not have time to get to the zoo.
No one was happy.
I felt I was letting them all down. After getting Liam to class finally, we set out to find something else to do. Then…I got mixed up and got lost.
Story of my life. I am directionally challenged. This is genetic and ironic.
This was my breaking point. The tears fell. I pulled over and had a good cry. These are the moments I beat myself up and I find it hard to offer myself grace. These are weeks I wonder “am I really cut out for this?”
Last month, I felt like a boss at this mom thing and this week I am in my car hugging the steering wheel while I sing through my tears, “Jesus Take the Wheel.” I tend to be dramatic. The thing I find funny is that when I travel I anticipate bumps in the road. I am mentally prepared that things may get off schedule and I will have to just make the best out of it. This is, of course, a piece of cake without kids. But even with kids, you just know you may have to catch vomit on the plane, or someone will pee their pants.
That may happen at any point, and I am ready.
So why can’t I do this all the time in everyday life? Why are there still weeks like these? After 8 years of parenting, why I am I not able to go with the flow during the tough weeks? I know we’re human. And we get tired, sick, and worn down. But you think I would get it.
After my grown up tantrum was over I pulled over to the first coffee shop I could find because we needed to get out of the car asap. We spent stupid money on cupcakes and egg sandwiches for them and a big coffee for me and we sat outside in the cool, but fresh, air. Then we walked over to this water area and I let the kids take off their shoes and splash in the water.
As they were smiling and laughing all my stress began to melt away. I felt God whisper ever so loving to me - “my plans are always better, aren’t they?” I almost cried again. He was right. When I finally surrendered my so-called plan for our day, we found Plan B and it was better than a crazy morning at the zoo. It was simple and we had the whole place to ourselves to be loud and crazy. I didn’t have to worry if I lost anyone or if we saw all we could like at the zoo.
We just were spending time together and having fun.
But this is where I strive to be, to roll with it in everyday life. I can say that most of the time, I can, and have come a long way since first becoming a mom 8 years ago. But life still happens - things break at home, kids get sick, and schedules will get jam-packed. All minor problems, but can be overwhelming when they come at once.
I think this is why the movie “Bad Moms’ was such a hit. It resonated with moms that sometimes we have crying-in-the-car moments and we all feel like we are sucking at this mom thing all alone. But there is something about coming together and sharing with a friend. Something about the kind woman at the store who tells you “I’ve been there too, and totally get it! instead of the usual “my…you have your hands full” comment (I’m OVER that one). There is something comforting and reassuring about solidarity and being there for each other.
I share this because no matter what I look like on FB or to the outside world, I don’t always have it all together. Sometimes I’m owning my zone and kill’n it, and sometimes I’m a plain old hot mess. It’s ok, we all have those days. As Mary Chapin Carpenter sings, “sometimes you’re the bug and sometimes you’re the windshield.”
I learned another lesson or maybe more of the same one God is trying to get through to me - to let go of all my planning and trust him, trust that he always has something better for me and my family. I love my family and thank God for them. Times may get crazy, but I wouldn’t ask for it to be any different... but maybe I will order groceries online for a while, have some days with no plans, and ask for help with driving the rest of the week.
Oh and guess what? School starts soon, all the praise hands!!
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| My sweet babes at the end of a long day, the pillow says it all "everyday is an adventure" |
