2018 My Battle Cry

It is December 31^st and as a I sit here reflecting about the year, I am thankful. In some ways, this has been one of the most difficult years of my life. I have been navigating health issues, and I have ended up going to Mayo Clinic for answers. It’s been months of endless appointments with more pricks and pokes than I have cared for. If you know me, needles are not my favorite, or I should say not my veins’ favorite. They seem to be hard to find, and this results in many, many pokes. It’s also been a season of heartache and loss personally, and a financial pressure returned that I hoped I would never see again. So, in general a weird time to navigate through.

I have had good days where I feel I am on top of it, I drink from my wonder woman mug and think “I got this.”  Then there are the not-so-good days where it feels like too much, that everything is too much. The worry and fear like to creep in on these days. However, the bad days have become less and less. My strength, my humor, all of it is returning. Thanks to time, and God never giving up on me. A little change in thought and perspective is a wonderful thing.

I have felt that this season has shown me is that God really is always faithful. Always.  As Christine Caine says, “He who has promised is faithful.” Within this season of life, he has never left me alone. God continues to use everything for his good, and for his alone. He gently guides me in showing me how to look at things differently. He shows me how to be thankful for everything.

I literally count my blessing, every morning and every night. This helps to keep my mind positive, focused on his goodness. He has continued to send my friends and family; and their support is like a constant warm hug. He has provided every need, literally every need. When it looked like there was no way, a check came in the mail, moments like that happened more than once. I even had a bill that I supposedly overpaid and they returned money to me. You know the things that you always hear about that only seem to happen to other people…that happened for our family.

That is what God does.

This is who he is.

I realized in past seasons I was not seeking him fully, surrendering to him 100%. I was putting my hope in man, in jobs, in things that will never bring me security. Those things are not real. These are all things I know, and yet I somehow navigated away from seeking only him, and trusting him. I tried to take it all on, and keep it all together. In doing so, I took a toll on my body. I wasn’t walking in what God had for me. I was never meant to carry it all.

 I remember growing up and reading the Old Testament, the part of the Israelites who keep wandering in the desert because of their disobedience and bad attitudes. I remember thinking, “how dumb are these people?!” I mean come on…can’t they see what they are doing, what is the gold calf going to do? And manna from heaven…stop complaining!  How bad can it be? I remember thinking as a young “good little Christian kid,” I would never do something like that. This story is for other people.

SO embarrassing as an adult who now sees how I do this, how I try to make what I want in my timing.

This is what Paul means to be thankful for every season, in want and in plenty. In these seasons, there are moments for us to refocus, it is actually loving of God. In these moments, I see that even though some of these unfortunate things in my life were a result of others poor choices, that God can and does still use it for his good and glory.

As I enter 2018, I lay it down. I tell God I am all in. I seek him and his will for my life; knowing and trusting that his plan is better. I no longer worry about the future. That’s not my job. I focus on the next right thing. I am thankful for his relentless love for us, the compassion and the arms wide open that are always there. It’s not just for me, it is available to you as well.

Perhaps 2017 was a doozie, and you are feeling the weight of it all, too. You are not alone. I am human so of course I still have moments. I still have waves of emotions that flow through me. I am slowly learning to continue to give it to God, to not get wrapped up in my emotions. To not stay there.

Let’s start by keeping it simple and seek God. Let’s give over all the things we can’t control. Let’s give him permission to have 100% access to our life and trust that he will work it all for his good. Let’s praise him on the good and on the bad days. I am an over-thinker, I overanalyze everything, and look at it seven different ways. So, I know that you’re possibly thinking, “it is not that simple.” I get that. I have been there. I can still find myself in that place. However, I think we are the ones that complicate it.

I think trusting God is like a muscle we have to keep using. It has to become your mantra; your battle cry. In fact, I have to say it over and over throughout the day, when I feel my thoughts racing and the worry creeping in. I even put “Good is good” on our Christmas card this year. Because even if things do go badly I believe “He is still good.”

Things will come at you in this life, that is our one constant. Just when you think things are going your way or your plan is coming together, something happens and knocks the wind out of us (I really hate when that happens). However, if we trust and seek God in all of it, then we can allow him to work in it. I remember what he has done in the past, that he is the same amazing God he has always been. In your season of hardship, you never know the new friendships that will happen because of it, or the better job opportunity that will lie up ahead. We can’t always see what he has protected us from. We are reminded many of us our in tough seasons and we can pray for one another and lend support. 

I sometimes wonder if I over-share. Maybe I do, but I want to share what God is doing while I am walking through this hard season. I want you to know that you are not alone, that we can help each other. I have always believed that Satan’s favorite trick is to have us believe we are alone. I don’t have all the answers, I am not perfect (I am right a lot though...just ask my kids, ha!), but I know who does.

Hebrews 12:1-3

“Let us strip off every weigh that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.”

So for 2018, I pray I continue to seek Jesus. I bravely walk into what he has for me, even if I am afraid. I keep my eyes on him and praise him on good and bad days.

Ps. I don’t have New Year’s resolutions really, because after a week I fail.  I do have some goals for the year. I am hoping to be more active in blogging. I have a few I am working on. Some have a little different feel then the past blogs. More satirical and humor filled called “tall tales” and one on one of my biggest struggles…my mouth (not language, although let’s face it, I am not always perfect there either). Prayers welcome.