Shine 2015

I've been home a few days from the Noonday Collection conference and I am still trying to process everything from the 5 days I was in Austin, TX.

When friends ask me how it was, it’s hard to explain in only a few words. “It was amazing” doesn't do it justice. And when I try to explain it in a few sentences, it comes out awkwardly and I tend to ramble and get puzzled looks in return. It was so much more than “amazing.” It was more than just a fun time with girlfriends. It was more than a vacation. I want to share everything with you! I want to tell you about the artisans we heard from. I met Jalia and Daniel, artisans from Uganda - their story and heart for the poor is beautiful. I want to tell you about Moon, who is from India and connects artisans with sustainable work opportunities and how she has fought for women’s rights. I want to ramble on about Melissa Russell from IJM and the incredible work she does rescuing people, and share with you all the inspiring things that she said. There was just so much packed into 5 days.

Jalia and Daniel artisans from Uganda

I want to share with you that Noonday is the real deal and we are really making a difference in so many people’s lives. We are truly creating a flourishing world where children are cherished, women are empowered, we are connected and people have jobs with dignity.

As much as this trip was about the artisans on the other side of the globe, it was also about the women that we call ambassadors here. The one major takeaway I had seems so important to share. I wish every women, every girl in the world could have heard the words we did. Where I saw true inward beauty that shined from within, where you were celebrated for being you - the person God created you to be.

When preparing for this trip, I started to get nervous and insecurities started to creep in. I started to think how limited my wardrobe has become and I desperately needed my hair done, and come to think of it I’m pretty sure I can’t remember the last time I had a manicure, either. Oh, and I wanted to lose 20 pounds before I went…and the list went on! Slowly all of these thoughts flooded and washed over me. I felt like I didn't measure up. I felt like I wasn't enough.

The day I went shopping to get a few things for trip didn't help. In almost every store I went to that day, someone commented on how tall I am. Granted, this isn't unusual when you’re 6 feet tall and I am use to it. But when I was already feeling insecure and overwhelmed on this day, it bothered me. As a sidenote here, telling someone “Wow you are tall” is just an awkward thing to say. I’m never quite sure how to respond to this blanket statement. Or when it’s followed with “are your parents tall?”  I know people mean no harm in saying it, but it’s an open door for the sarcastic side in me and if I’m tired it can be hard to fight sometimes. I usually try to just say “Yes I am. Thank you!” But most of the time I really want to say “Really? I had no idea, good thing you told me!” or “Wow you’re really short” or Brunette or whatever…and when they ask about me having tall parents, I so want to make up some far-fetched story. Because the answer “Yes they are” is just so boring and expected, am I right? So the next time you want to comment on some person’s height, try to say it in a more complementary way and avoid the blanket statements. Okay, rant over.

After my day of shopping, I was able to meet up with some friends for dinner and it was exactly what I needed after a day of trying on clothes. We all shared about insecurities. It was an encouraging night and I felt back on track for my trip. I am just going to be me and that’s that. Even Jessica, our founder, had shared with a friend about needing a new outfit for Shine. Her friend reminded her that she had plenty of things in her closet and that SHE WAS ENOUGH. I thought, “Amen!” I am enough and need to stop worrying so much. I packed my bag last minute, of course, and was ready and expecting a life-changing weekend. That’s just what I got.

I loved meeting the artisans and the ambassadors this weekend, so many stories that served as a reminder on how God is in the details. He is taking all of our brokenness and wrong turns and using them for his glory. I see how he has been chasing us and has been faithful to all of us. I see how he has brought us together to this one week. This alone was so encouraging to me and reminds me that I serve a big God who cares about the details of our little lives. Isn't that amazing?

My favorite day was the day that Jessica Honnegger, the founder of Noonday, got up to speak. When she got up she spoke from her heart, or maybe I could even say from God’s heart. It was about running our own race, only competing with ourselves and accepting and loving who God has created us to be. She was vulnerable, honest, and real with all of us. It was so refreshing. I think it’s amazing that when we share our struggles, when we share what seems to be our weakness - that it makes us and those we share it with stronger. She closed with these words - “Let’s hustle, but not for our worth. Let’s run, but at our own pace. Let’s create spaces of love and belonging for ourselves and others and elevate the worth of woman. In 2015, let’s shine.”

Powerful words, I’m telling you. It was like a profound therapy session. And yes, I would know.

I can’t help but think - What if we really do that? What if we strip off the worry of comparison and stop trying to keep up with that mom or be like this friend?

I remember once hearing something like, “the true person you are is when you were young, before criticism took root.” When I was a little girl, I was talkative, outgoing, and imaginative. I loved to sing, put on plays, and ride my bike with no hands. I was fearless. But that changed over the years. My insecurities took over and didn't let that girl out very much.

I want to be that girl again. I want to live boldly for myself and for the artisans that Noonday partners with. I want to live boldly and bravely for the 13 year old girl that hates herself, whose hurt seems so big.

I feel like the Noonday community is doing that - where instead of comparison we celebrate our difference and gifts. Where we start to see each other the way Jesus sees us. And when we truly start to love ourselves, then we can freely love others. I believe I saw that happen this weekend. I saw women shine a little brighter. They stood taller. They wore the pants they loved but were afraid they were too wild. They reached out to any and all who seemed alone. All were welcomed and all were accepted for just being who they are.  

Just some of my favorite Minnesota ambassadors 

We also had fashion bloggers Jessie Artigue from Style and Pepper and Hilary Rushford from Dean Street Society shared that morning. They gave me so much insight, not just into fashion and tips on how to wear clothes (which they did they were amazing!). They spoke about being the person you want to be. What impacted me were the questions to ask yourself – How do you feel when you wear something? What do you want to feel? Do you have a business meeting and you want to feel empowered and confident? Or is it date night? How do you want to feel? I started to really think about how I felt in my clothes for certain occasions. I realized the majority of them didn’t make me feel the way I wanted to feel. They worked. They were ok. But I realize that I’m tired of spending $$ on clothes that I don’t really love.

The other part they talked about was education - educating yourself on how fashion works. What works for you, and your body type? These stars we see in the magazines don’t generally wake up knowing how to put it all together. Most of them have stylist that have educated them on what looks good on them on how to accessorize.

They talked about, as women, how we are always apologizing for ourselves. We’re always saying, “Sorry I’m such a mess today” and how we are, basically, always selling ourselves short. They gave some statistics on how women won’t go for something like a promotion unless she knows she is totally qualified. A man will go for it even if he thinks he is 30% confident that he is capable or deserving.

I think many women do this. We won’t reach out to that old friend until we lose the 20 pounds. We can’t possibly become a Noonday Ambassador because we don’t feel stylish enough (I struggled with this one). We don’t go for that job because we don’t meet every requirement.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired this mentality. It keeps us from so many good things that God has for us.

They also encouraged us to find out what our personal style is. So when I came home, I decided to start a fashion journal to really pinpoint what I like.I figure life is too short to wear clothes I do not like. So far it has been a lot of fun and a creative outlet.  They shared this quote with us and I just loved it……

After our morning of speakers, there wasn't much time for reflection. But it came out, whether we liked it or not! I was near tears all day, and couldn't quite put my finger on why. What was it from that morning that had gotten to me so? At lunch, as we all sat rather quiet, we began to talk about the morning. Tears flowed, memories of past hurts surfaced, and in that moment, so much beauty was there.

My friend’s brave moment to share what was on her heart was really healing for all of us. I had remembered a time when I was in my early 20’s and some college boys yelled out some horrible things to me as I was going inside a store. I hadn't thought of that moment for so many years. Yet it was there at the surface.

One thing I realized is that were all insecure about something. We think we aren't stylish enough or we’re too big or too little. We don’t like our nose and we swear one eye is bigger than the other.

I think those memories surfaced for a reason; because they still have a hold on us, whether we realize it or not. They are still a reminder of why we think we aren't enough, and about how others told us we were not enough. I think I realized that I have allowed those lies to live in my head for far too long. I have let them hold me back from so much in my life. I have dimmed my own light so I didn't draw attention to myself.

I get it.

 I get how I have lived. And I now know how I want to go forward. I want to live boldly as the person God has created me to be. I want to live my best life. I want to raise my children and for them to know their worth. I want every teenage girl, especially middle schoolers (because those years are the WORST), that YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL. You are loved. I see you, God sees you. He loves you just as you are.

Just as you are.

When you start to see the beauty in yourself, you will see the beauty in others. You won’t need to criticize Susie over there so you feel better about yourself. I know it will be a battle to choose the truth and to not let the lies come in. I know words will be said that will hurt and make us feel small and devalued. It will be a struggle, but one that is so worth it. Ya know, I used to be so confused when people would say “find out who you are in Christ.” But I’m starting to think it means - find out who God made you to be. He created you like no one else in the world. You are his masterpiece, his creation. He thinks you are beautiful. He has always thought you are enough. 

What if we live like we believe that?  What adventures await? What friendships will be discovered? Who will you help discover that truth as well? Bold is the word that keeps coming to mind.

Go after it and shine. Yes, you. 

300 of my new friends

My Road to Noonday

The road began over 7 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child.

Some background - My first pregnancy was nothing like I thought it would be. My mom and Grandma had always told me that being pregnant was the best they ever felt. This was not the case for me. In fact, I felt my very worst. I was working as a stylist at a busy salon and would come home just exhausted. I rarely did anything outside of work, I was just too tired. My hobbies included the old fashioned Netflix - where you received one DVD at a time in the mail. This was my Alias season in life. I vicariously lived through Sydney Bristow, kicking butt and looking cool while I was surviving my first pregnancy.

Our church had started having a women's event called “Chick Night.” Sara Groves, the Christian singer (and MN Native) was going to be there. I liked her songs. I envisioned this night would be similar to a VH1 Storytellers episode - only instead of the song being inspired by drugs or women, it would be inspired by Jesus. Oh...did I mention there was going to be dessert after? It motivated me enough to put down the remote and get to the special service at church.

I had no idea that this night was going to change me forever.

I immediately loved Sara right away. She was down to earth - a mama, funny, and she rambled a bit. We could totally be friends, you guys. However, instead of lofty stories of songwriting in a field with Jesus like I pictured. She spoke of something much more heavy. She talked about on organization called International Justice Mission, where some lawyers came together and were rescuing people around the world from unimaginable situations and prosecuting the criminals that were responsible. She spoke about the Rwandan genocide. It was all too much to take in. I knew about the genocide, but to see it through her eyes was different. She made it personal.

It was also the first time I heard about human trafficking and the depth of what was really going on. I was dumbfounded.

I had no idea that this was occurring in the world I was about to welcome a baby into. That this was happening to women just like me. One particular story she told was of a young girl who had been trafficked. She had a verse written beside her bed and she clung to that verse. (If I could remember that verse this story would be even better). I'll never forget what Sara said next. She said, "that girl knows Jesus in a way that I will never know Jesus." She was later rescued by IJM.

That night Sara closed with the song “I Saw What I Saw”

And a few of the lyrics go like this:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it

I heard what I heard and I can't go back

I know what I know and I can't deny it

Your pain has changed me

Your dream inspires

Your face a memory

Your hope a fire

Your courage asks me

What I am afraid of

What I am made of

It broke me. 

I tried to hold back the tears that eventually led into full sobs. Yep. I was a 7 month pregnant girl. Full-on ugly crying in church. This night, that song, her words all changed me. I could no longer go forth in the world blindly. I knew I couldn't keep going forward the same way. I started to read anything and everything on global poverty, human trafficking, the orphan crisis. Fun topics, I know… but I just felt like I had to know what I could do to help. No matter how many pounds of (DELICIOUS) Fair Trade coffee I bought, I never felt like it was enough. 

27 million is slavery today, 2 million children in the sex industry. More slaves then any other time in history.

Christine Caine once put out the question - "When your kids read about this in their history books, when they ask what you did about it - What will you tell them?"

I knew the answer. I hope my kids do not even have to ask if I was aware of this. I hope they know that I did every thing in my power to help, to make a difference. Even though I didn't know what it would look like. I prayed, I gave $$, tried to shop differently.

Then one day while I was in another pregnancy, I was scrolling through good ol' Facebook and one of my favorite bloggers, Jen Hatmaker, was posting about a party she was having to benefit a friend's adoption. She kept posting pictures of the items - beautiful, stylish accessories. I wanted them all!!!!

I clicked over to the Noonday Collection website to check it out. I read that it was much more than just fashionable items. Noonday Collection sells handmade items from artisans from all over the world to give them a pathway out of poverty. They were changing lives just by having us shop.

Which, let's face it, we do anyway... 

I watched a video about the Noonday artisans and yep, you guessed it, I ugly cried again.

I felt like God was telling me that this is what I had been praying about when I was asking to do more. I read more about it and what it meant to become a Noonday ambassador - you partnered with other women to host shows. You bought samples to show the women some of the gorgeous items. Then you get in front of the group and share a short presentation about Noonday Collection. 

Wait, what??

This was the part that terrified me. I quickly started hearing, "This is not from God, you're awful at public speaking, he would so not have you do this." And as I wrestled with my insecurities, I kept reading the stories of the artisans whose lives were now changed. I thought to myself that I can be uncomfortable for 15 minutes to help others around the world. I can get over myself and share their stories with women in MN and inspire them to shop differently - that shopping with a purpose is a powerful thing, that we can help change the world just by where we shop. So simple and yet so meaningful.

And so I embarked on the journey as Noonday ambassador. Even while pregnant with twins. Even filled with self doubt. My pastor's wife always says “do it scared”. I was trembling my first show with neighbors and friends but it did get easier.  It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I love Noonday and all the work they do. I love learning the stories of the artisans and hearing their stories of restoration and hope. Almost 2 years later, I still get choked up when I share their stories at a party. I am privileged to be apart of an amazing community of ambassadors that inspire, encourage, and challenge me every day. 

I'm so thankful for Noonday. It's given me a new confidence. It helped me face and overcome my fear of public speaking, which has given me the courage to face other fears in my life. Last summer, I went to Washington DC to lobby with International Justice Mission to lobby on anti-trafficking measures. I just enrolled back in college to finish my degree. I know I would not have done that with out first being involved with Noonday Collection. 

I try not and think about all the other things that I didn't do or go to because I was too afraid before. I encourage you that if there is something in your life that you're scared to do, do it scared. It may not be easy, but I bet good things will come out of it - new friends, adventures, and growth. 

Next week, I get on a plane and head to Austin Texas for the Noonday Collection conference. I am so excited for this trip and for what God will do. 

And yes, I will be packing the Kleenex and the waterproof mascara just in case I ugly cry again.  

www.ginakane.noondaycollection.com