In defense of the helicopter Mama's

In defense of the helicopter mom....

There seems to be so many blog posts lately that are slamming overprotective moms, now labeled the "Helicopter moms." As I read the blogs, I find myself talking back to the author as if they can hear me. I get what they are saying - you want your kids to be kids and figure things out for themselves. 

I do too. But for some of us, it takes time. For others, there may be a good reason to be helicoptering so close. I am tired of the labels and the divisions they bring. It only seems to add fuel to the so-called Mommy Wars and reminds me of the division has been placed between the working mom and the SAHM. 

Are we not just Moms that are trying to do the best we can? 

I think we need more grace for one another. We need to remember that God put different things into all of us to be the best parents to the kids we have been given. Like anything, there are extremes on both sides. Yes, there are some moms who need to stop controlling every little thing their kids do. And yes, there are the moms that use the term “free range” as an excuse to avoid parenting their young children.

Frankly, I am over these articles that swing so far either way. Moms have enough to worry about. When it comes down to it, at the end of the day what matters most is that your children are loved. Period. 

I feel I want to defend the helicopter mom and speak up for her. You see, I have been that mom. And still am sometimes. But having 4 kids has helped changed me. I want to let my kids be kids and grow into strong, independent individuals. I think that we need to have a bit more empathy for the hovering mom, and try and understand her instead of persecute her.

A few thoughts came to mind that may contribute to our hovering.

For some hovering mamas, this is their first child. Please think back and recall how you felt. I think back to when I delivered my first baby. I held him and was so happy that he was finally here and I loved him so. But I also remember the "holy-crap-things-just-got-real" feeling as well. I was in charge of this brand new little person that was completely dependent on me. All of a sudden, the world seemed a bit bigger and a lot scarier then it was before. 

Even on our way home from the hospital, we drove so much slower - more keenly aware of the dangers around us. To throw us newbie parents over the edge there was a bee in our car as well. A big bee I tell you, dodging at my head. I was convinced it wanted to sting my newborn baby who was under three layers of clothing, gloves so he would scratch his face and of course a baby hat in case he was chilly. 

Liam, my first born

Remember the worries with the first? The pressure of "Am I doing this right? Is he too hot or too cold, is he swaddled right, did I burp him right, is he eating enough?" 

I had that same "things just got real" feeling after having twins too! 

Then when he began to crawl, I started to realize how many dangers lie in one room alone. If there was a left over popcorn kernel that had somehow wedged itself under the couch, he would find it and begin to choke on it. Then there's the electric cords they want to chew on, the raisin or Lego they shove in their ear or nose. 

When he began to walk, I never realized how many drawers he could get into and what danger he would find in there. I have tall children that can reach many things they should not be able to yet. When he wanted to, he could move so fast and be out of sight in seconds. And of course, stairs were a death trap. And no matter how many times I tell him to sit on his butt before we go down the stairs, he would still try to jump off the step. 

So that mom helping her 3 year old at the playground who is making sure he doesn't fall off the 15 foot drop has good intentions. She is just trying to do her job, keep him safe. And as time goes on, she will mellow out. 

I'll admit that I was a helicopter mom with my first. And ya know what? He is one secure kid. He figured out how to do the monkey bars and learned how to swing. He can talk to adults, and solve most of his issues. He taught himself how to do his scooter and has been working on skateboarding. I teach my kids to never give up no matter how long it takes. 

But enjoy that window that they want you to push them on the swing, or help them on the monkey bars. Pretty soon they will get it and have no need for you. Which obviously has its perks as well, but what I am saying it's a brief season in your life. I dont think there is anything wrong with giving your kids a little security when they are little. Now if they are a capable 8 year old and wanting you to carry them across the monkey bars, eye roll away and get back to your cellphone. I get it. 

The second reason why maybe that mom is coptering her kids at the playground is that she knows her kids better then anyone. Maybe one of her precious cherubs has been testing her all day, making some wrong choices, and Mama is now all done. Maybe they are Autistic or have some other delay or disability that you are completely unaware of, and they need to stay close. She knows her child better then you. Let's give some grace, ditch the eye roll, the judgement and remember we're all on the same team. 

Recently, I read a very popular blog where I think the title was “don't help my kids.” And again, I get her point. She wants to raise children who will figure it out on their own, who will be independent. But when I am at the playground with my 4 kiddos (and I will be coptering my 18 month old twins), and your 3 year old is in tears begging you to help and you ignore them and then they look at me begging for help. How can I not? What example is that for my children if I don't? 

In the end, no one's parenting style is exactly alike. Nor do any of us have it down perfectly. We still make mistakes and are learning our way in the toughest, most rewarding job in the world. 

Having 4 kids has changed the way I parent. I never have constantly entertained my children. But definitely after having twins, I did even less. I had not as much time that first year. They had to figure it out and play together. It strengthened their bond and they used their imagination more. They are now at the age where they can be in the yard without me and play. Everything happens in due time. And before I know it they will be driving. But it took me a little time, It just happens as they get older or as you add more children in the picture.You start to mellow, you have no choice really. I am not even phased when one my boys comes in with a skinned knee, or a big ol' bruise from some grand idea they had.  

So next time you see that anxious helicoptering mom at the play ground, let's remember that we're all different. We have all been the newbie parents. Remember she knows her child better than you. And in the end, we're all just trying to do the best we can. Lets stop furthering the divide between Mama's and give some extra grace to one another. I know I need it most days. 

Now stop reading and go play!