Summer Hangover

I have never doubted that God has a sense of humor. Today, he used my own blog title as a reminder for me. I am certain he finds us very entertaining, as we do our own children. I sometimes picture him face palming himself, like “not again child!?” or “when will you learn this lesson?” 

The last month has been nuts. It seems we have tried to fit everything into the last 3 weeks of summer. In Minnesota, we do this, not to see how crazy we can make our lives, but because we know the cold is coming and we will be trapped in our houses for several months. In the midst of traveling every weekend, day camps, and getting ready for school, Zak was in a car accident. Thankfully he is fine, but we are down to one car at the moment. Everything around our house seems to be breaking. *Warning newlyweds* - all of your gadgets, spatulas, etc, have about a ten-year life span then they all start to fall apart. Homes I would say 5 before major stuff breaks. So make sure to budget for this. On top of it, we all got sick too…shocker. 

Just life. It’s how it goes.

I’m calling it a summer hangover.

But with no recoup time, this mommy is on E. Empty. Nothing left. Nada. Zilch.

I think the kids are too - although they recover quicker than adults. We had major meltdowns at the grocery store which had me day dreaming of hanging out in solitary at the local psych ward. 

This week, Liam has robot camp every day from 9-11:30. It takes us about 30 minutes to get there with no traffic. I haul the kids in and out and off to something else while he is in class. The twins, who we still call “the babies,” even though they are close to being three are tired and not digging all the car time and disruption to their normal routine.

Fresh after surviving the most stressful grocery store visit the day before, today we were headed off to class, only to end up in a major traffic jam. I had planned on dropping off Liam and then heading to the Zoo with the rest of the kids. The traffic was not lessening and Liam was upset that he would miss this morning, no matter how much I reassured him. The twins were in a chorus of screaming, knowing we would now not have time to get to the zoo.

No one was happy.

I felt I was letting them all down. After getting Liam to class finally, we set out to find something else to do. Then…I got mixed up and got lost.

Story of my life. I am directionally challenged. This is genetic and ironic.

This was my breaking point. The tears fell. I pulled over and had a good cry. These are the moments I beat myself up and I find it hard to offer myself grace. These are weeks I wonder “am I really cut out for this?”

Last month, I felt like a boss at this mom thing and this week I am in my car hugging the steering wheel while I sing through my tears, “Jesus Take the Wheel.” I tend to be dramatic. The thing I find funny is that when I travel I anticipate bumps in the road. I am mentally prepared that things may get off schedule and I will have to just make the best out of it. This is, of course, a piece of cake without kids. But even with kids, you just know you may have to catch vomit on the plane, or someone will pee their pants.

That may happen at any point, and I am ready.

So why can’t I do this all the time in everyday life? Why are there still weeks like these? After 8 years of parenting, why I am I not able to go with the flow during the tough weeks? I know we’re human. And we get tired, sick, and worn down. But you think I would get it. 

After my grown up tantrum was over I pulled over to the first coffee shop I could find because we needed to get out of the car asap. We spent stupid money on cupcakes and egg sandwiches for them and a big coffee for me and we sat outside in the cool, but fresh, air. Then we walked over to this water area and I let the kids take off their shoes and splash in the water.

As they were smiling and laughing all my stress began to melt away. I felt God whisper ever so loving to me - “my plans are always better, aren’t they?” I almost cried again. He was right. When I finally surrendered my so-called plan for our day, we found Plan B and it was better than a crazy morning at the zoo. It was simple and we had the whole place to ourselves to be loud and crazy. I didn’t have to worry if I lost anyone or if we saw all we could like at the zoo.

We just were spending time together and having fun.

All I wanted was for us to go and have a good day together. When I look back, I wonder what my problem was. Why did I have to overreact? When will I learn that it’s ok not to have everything according to plan? For Type A people like me, this is hard!

But this is where I strive to be, to roll with it in everyday life. I can say that most of the time, I can, and have come a long way since first becoming a mom 8 years ago. But life still happens - things break at home, kids get sick, and schedules will get jam-packed. All minor problems, but can be overwhelming when they come at once. 

I think this is why the movie “Bad Moms’ was such a hit. It resonated with moms that sometimes we have crying-in-the-car moments and we all feel like we are sucking at this mom thing all alone. But there is something about coming together and sharing with a friend. Something about the kind woman at the store who tells you “I’ve been there too, and totally get it! instead of the usual “my…you have your hands full” comment (I’m OVER that one). There is something comforting and reassuring about solidarity and being there for each other.

I share this because no matter what I look like on FB or to the outside world, I don’t always have it all together. Sometimes I’m owning my zone and kill’n it, and sometimes I’m a plain old hot mess. It’s ok, we all have those days. As Mary Chapin Carpenter sings, “sometimes you’re the bug and sometimes you’re the windshield.” 

I learned another lesson or maybe more of the same one God is trying to get through to me - to let go of all my planning and trust him, trust that he always has something better for me and my family. I love my family and thank God for them. Times may get crazy, but I wouldn’t ask for it to be any different... but maybe I will order groceries online for a while, have some days with no plans, and ask for help with driving the rest of the week.

Oh and guess what? School starts soon, all the praise hands!!

My sweet babes at the end of a long day, the pillow says it all "everyday is an adventure"

Find your Rhythm

*Disclaimer: I love ALL mommas – work mommas, home mommas, ministry mommas, warrior mommas* This is just my experience with finding my rhythm in motherhood.

Seven years ago, we decided that instead of both of us working, that I would stay at home with our firstborn.  It was not an easy choice. I  remember I was elated about this and felt so at peace with this decision; even though it meant relocating to my parents’ basement for a few months and tight budget to follow. And when I say tight, I mean there was a negative in that budget balance.  

Over the years, I wavered in my choice. I let insecurity be a voice in my head. I let tough times tell me that I made a mistake. I believed I was less of a person and woman because I did not have a career, a cute wardrobe, and extra cash in my pocket. I let comparison rob me of my joy. 

But along the way as I focused in more on Jesus and his love for me, I began to remember the dreams of my childhood.

The dreams he planted in me so long ago. The biggest dream of all was being a mom. 

I began slowly to listen to God’s voice instead of those of the world or the negative ones in my head. I started to believe the word of God and what it said of me. Loved, forgiven, set free, victorious child of God. That I was born to be a mother and born for this role as homemaker. It’s kind of a funny word, “homemaker.” The definition is “one who manages a household.”  So much goes into managing a household. Yes, there’s cooking and cleaning, finances,  laundry…SO MUCH LAUNDRY. Jesus be near.

It isn’t a glamorous job most days. I still fight the bad attitude when scrubbing peed-on toilets and sorting laundry. Did I mention that there is a lot of laundry?

I have four kids and the years of babies were hard years for me. Especially with the twins, numbers 3 & 4. I felt like survival was all that I could focus on. Now that the twins are 2 1/2 and we are leaving the baby phase, it’s a whole new world. One where I can take them places and leave the house without...well…nearing a nervous breakdown. ;)

Now I am entering a new season. My older two boys are getting busy with school, sports, and church. I am also back at school finishing my degree.  God keeps planting new dreams. 

But for me it’s a time to “own my zone” - own this label of homemaker and do it well to my standards. Not to Pinterest’s standards, or to the standards of that one mom who seems to always have it together. But to the standard that God has given me, to use the gifts he has given me to raise up the children he has entrusted me with.

Yes a large part of my duties as homemaker are not that exciting. But I get to be the one that is here in the morning and at night. I get to be the one who prays with them each day. I get to hold them when they are sick. I get to speak life over them every chance I get. I get to make the house they live in a home. It may not be huge and fancy, but it’s cozy and filled with touches of how I love them all around. I get to take them on adventures and impact how they see their world.

I get to prepare them for their futures and of course prepare them for doing their own laundry.

Amen. Their wives will thank me.

I think moms are so amazing. Every mom has their own gifts and strengths they bring into their homes. For most of us, it takes time - time to find our own rhythm in motherhood. With each child we add, or life change we have, we have to reframe and adjust our rhythm. 

God is writing our music. Each mom has a different song. We each have to find our own. 

Let’s be honest, I mess up a lot. I lose my cool more than I’d like to admit. I am not always the mother I want to be. When those moments happen, the devil loves to tell us how we have failed and how we will never measure up. He is such a liar. He wants you to give up. He is scared what will happen if you start to embrace who God created you to be. It’s true that we will never be perfect. But that’s why we need Jesus. We need his Grace. We need his love. We need his spirit. We cannot do this alone.

We also need each other. Recently in a book I am reading, I came across this scripture, Titus 2:

“Older women be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. They can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind.” 

This verse gave me so much hope. We are not meant to do it alone. I pray that I can be this to others, to my daughter, and to women around me who are walking the long days of motherhood (or should we call it babyhood). Those years of sleep deprivation are long but quick and there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

So moms - run to Jesus. Listen to what he says about you. Live with purpose. Those days where you are changing diapers, cleaning unimaginable things, and you feel so weary, give yourself grace. Run to Him, seek Him. He loves you and has so many good things for your life. He made you, he wants you to be you. He created you just for what your children need. 

My crazy troop of monkeys and I "watching" a movie on a Friday night. 

"Paris is always a good idea" - Part one

Paris...

Where to begin... 

To write about Paris I felt I needed a fancy font. But that may be hard to read. 

Everyone asks – “What was your favorite thing?”

It sounds like it should be an easy question. But there was not just one thing. If you know me I have to over think everything. All of it was beautiful - the architecture, the food, the wine, the art, the people. Yes, the people! We did not encounter any rude French people. In fact, we found the opposite. They seemed kind and gracious - even when we butchered their beautiful language. 

All of Paris is exquisite, and 5 days is not enough time to take it all in. But it was a great start. My favorite thing in Paris was the feeling you have when you are there. 

You’re surrounded by beauty. It all looks and sounds like a scene in a painting or movie. Every corner smells like the fresh croissants and baked goods. There is music playing every where you wonder. People stop on the streets to kiss, to embrace, to share a quiet moment. And not in a “get a room” kind of way, but in a purely romantic, heartfelt way.

I noticed way less people on their cell phones. In any store or restaurant you enter, they look you right in the eye and say “Bonjour,” and welcome you in. I loved in restaurants or cafes, once you ordered, they let you be. They give you a big bottle of water and if you need anything or are ready for your bill, you let them know. They are always keeping an eye out for you, but they just are not rushing you. Someone described it to us that the restaurants view it as the client is “renting the space.”

I also noticed that EVERYONE gets dessert. My friends...I. Have. Found. My. HOME. 

The meals are enjoyed slowly. Everything is meant to be savored. In Paris, all of your senses are engaged, just like God created us to be. 

I think that is why it is so magical. It's how we are supposed to live. It's how we were created to be - to delight in life, with the ones we love around us. 

We forget that in our everyday lives; where everything seems so ritualistic and we start to feel like Steve Martin from the original Parenthood when he says “My whole life is 'have to'." 

I don't know about you, but I don't want to live like that. I feel like God has been working on this one with me. It's funny how all of a sudden, I start to see a similar theme in the books I am reading, in the messages I hear at church, even in my moms' group, I kept hearing the word "delight" and stories of how so many of us lose that, especially during the years we are moms of littles. 

I felt like before we left for Paris, my heart was being prepped. Being there solidified that I really do need more of this in my life. More of being present, more of embracing my messy crazy life, to slow down, to go slow and enjoy what is before me. To celebrate big, and let the guilt go. To find and do the things I truly enjoy and with the ones I hold so dear. To be intentional of being present in my every day life.  

Of course Paris is good for you and your marriage, you can’t help but fall more in love on the cobble stone streets of Paris. We laughed more, talked more. We left with new dreams, bigger dreams. Paris was balm for our souls. Men take your wives to Paris!

We were all meant to create, to engage life with our 5 senses, to truly live. I believe we can all have a little of Paris right where we are at....I am at least sure going to try. 

Girls just want to have fun!

A couple weeks ago when Zak was in sunny California (I am not bitter) for a wedding, I was home with the kiddos. At first, I was very envious of his little get away. But that weekend for me served as a great reminder of what it is important. In my last blog, I shared how we had ice cream sundaes and watched movies in my bed. We stayed up later than normal and we were extra silly. But my favorite day was the day that followed.

We had no plans, no agenda, and no to-do list. It was a beautiful day - sunny with no humidity and just...perfection. These are the kind of summer days that talk us Minnesotans into staying here all year long. We took a blanket and laid it out in the backyard and we just hung out. The kids would play, come back, and lay on the blanket. We ate grapes and chatted about nothing. It was bliss. As I sat there cuddling my babes, I thought -

I need more of this in my daily life.

Just hanging out in the back yard

I love this pic, she looks like she is flower child signing "peace" but in reality she is pointing to the airplane.

This past Mother's Day, my aunt encouraged me to watch the movie “Momʼs Night Out.” So to end the day, my husband and I bought the movie and we were prepared to laugh away. About 5 minutes in, I was pretty sure this movie was based on my life. I did laugh throughout the movie; but I also cried big, hot tears. I may have been a mess. I related with the main character in the movie - bogged down by the 24-hour job of being a mom; filled with agendas and never-ending days. The job we always wanted and still we find ourselves struggling.

Then this last week while my friend was doing my hair, we were chatting away and she said, "You're so busy with being a mom, going to school, your Noonday work, what do you do for fun?” I sat there and just blinked. I wasn't sure how to answer. I wasn’t sure I had an answer.

On the drive home, I realized I am missing fun in my life. Sure, I have fun when I do Noonday. I enjoy school. And I really do love being a stay-at-home mom. This last year was a stressful season. And in the “I am barely holding it all together” time, I have smiled and laughed so much less. We are coming out of this season and it’s refreshing. I feel like I can relax and breathe a little easier. I think God is teaching me about joy and finding it in all seasons. I get too wound up about the details. I need to give more to him and focus on today. The have-toʼs and the never ending to-do lists do not need to rule my life. So here are a few things I’m going to start trying to do.

1. More sleep. I need sleep to be able to smile more. No matter how much Jesus I have in my heart if I have not been sleeping, I struggle to find my joy.  In my psych class, we just read about what occurs in your body when you’re sleep deprived. It isn’t good, friends. I always knew it wasn’t pretty, but once I looked at it in depth, I totally need to get some more zzzʼs. And, of course, I am also blaming lack of sleep for the baby weight that keeps managing to stay with me. When I am rested, I am rational. I can focus and little things do not bother me much. So I am convinced that sleep will help me have more fun. I will be drinking the teas, oiling up, and whatever else is necessary. It’s been 7 years, it’s about time.

2. Unplug. From school, social media, TV, and my to-do list. I need to just to be sometimes. Whether it’s on a blanket in my back yard with the kids, going for a bike ride or taking time to journal and read a book I have wanted to read. 


3. Bring some fun and creativity into my world - not related to work, school or a home improvement project. We made a bucket list for the summer time and we are going to be scheduling in some fun activities. I have my own things on the bucket list that I want to do. And Zak and I have some together. I really want to do one of those wine and painting classes, or visit a vineyard, hear some live music(really anything to do with wine sounds pretty good to me).

4. Slow down. I am going to slow down and stop and smell the flowers. Truly. Last week I was in Rochester for a Noonday event. On the way home, I just decided to take my time. I drove with the windows down, and listened to some great 90ʼs country. I stopped at on Outlet Mall that was on my way and shopped a little and had lunch at the cutest cafe ever. I chatted with cashier and took my time in my favorite store. It was magic. I found a cool sign. I didn’t buy, although now I am wishing I did. I may have to drive back. Maybe at lunch, you go sit outside, take your shoes off, and listen to the birds and take in some sunshine. It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive to slow down. 

5. Let it go. No I am not suggesting you watch Frozen more. Lawd knows if you have children, you have already seen this too many times. Letting go of what we can not control, the worries, the never ending to do list. We have to give it to God - focus on what we can do today and let the rest go. Let go of trying to do too much in one day. Sometimes, let go of it all and just go have a fun filled day with your kids - no multi-tasking, no cleaning, just them and you. Great, now I have "Let it Go" in my head. 

Maybe like me, you have a hard time relaxing and unplugging form the demands of everyday life. You find yourself more serious and less joyful. 

We get one life.

There will always be ups and downs. There will be days that are rough. But we can’t forget to laugh, to smile through the tears if we must. Joy and hope are all around us each day. Take some time to find what you like to do, what fuels you, what revives your soul. Now go smile and laugh and find some joy in your journey. Let’s have deep wrinkles from smiling and laughing, rather than from worrying!

"We need hours of aimless wandering or spaces of time sitting on park benches, observing the mysterious world of ants and the canopy of treetops." - Maya Angelou

Every day life

 I decided that my blog doesn't always need to have a meaningful message in each one. Sometimes I just want to write about what we are up to. I think it will be fun to look back and read; and fun for the kids to read one day. 

The last week we have been on baby bird patrol. We have a robin's nest under our deck, which desperately needed to be power washed, but that has been put on hold until said baby birds leave the nest. Speaking of leaving the nest, we are on patrol because twice the birds have fallen out of the nest. Mama bird did not build the best nest and its seems incomplete on one side. We are also watching our Phoebe dog who would like to be closer to them. She has no killer instinct, so I'm pretty sure she wants to lick them. She is big, so she can almost reach. 

I can usually hear the mama bird squawking away when Phoebe gets too close. My middle Kellan is my animal lover and he lives on top of the deck watching them. He even got a semi-permanent line one day as his faced was glued to the top of the deck. He has given them names - Peter, Chick, and Pan(were in a Peter Pan phase).  I'm pretty certain that there are only two birds in there, but he and Liam swear there are three. So we're just going with that. 

These birds have to live, he prays every night for them. It's pressure!! I think he will cry when they fly away, too. There were storms rolling in this last weekend, so we put a tarp on part of the deck to protect the nest from getting washed away. Maybe you have a stressful baby bird situation as well, here is a great link with some info to help you. It helped us cope and realize that much of what we knew was myth. 

http://blog.theanimalrescuesite.com/lost-baby-bird/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=amc&utm_campaign=lost-baby-bird&utm_term=20150514

Kellan keeping an eye on his birds

Baby birds and the Phoebe dog ever so close 

To take the baby bird drama one step further, we had one egg that did not hatch and was sitting outside the nest. I tried explaining to Kellan that it was unlikely it would hatch. He of course believe that the baby bird just needed a new nest of his own and he would not let. it. go. 

So he took a plastic bowl from the kitchen and placed napkins and paper towels in and ever-so-gently placed the baby egg right in the center. Oh how he loved this egg to take care of. He would set it in the sunshine to keep it warm and talk to “baby chick” as he called it. When his friend in the neighborhood stopped by, Kellan could not wait to show him his prized egg he was hatching. As he brought it outside he dropped it onto the grass. And before he could pick it up the unthinkable happened.  Phoebe dog, you know the one I thought had zero killer instinct, snatched it up and swallowed it whole. 

He went into full-on hysterics. He cried so hard and told me he had a broken heart. His sadness made me cry as well and I just held him for a long while. He finally settled down about 45 minutes later, but still teared up off and on throughout the day. I am sure he will be discussing this at length in therapy one day! 

Kellan and "baby chick"

Zak was gone this last weekend in California for his cousin's wedding. I so wanted to go as well, but it's the end of the school year and last week of swimming. Just too much going on. We are so ready for summer vacation and even made a bucket list of things we want to do this summer and hung it on the fridge. Bring on summer! 

So while Daddy is away, sunning himself by the pool in sunny Cali, we are had our own fun too. When Dad's away, the kids will play. We made our own little pizza, and created ice creams sundaes! We also got to have a little slumber party in our bed and watch movies! Sometimes you have to break all the rules! All in all, we had a good weekend, I only had to call poison control once and Bennett's cut finger thankfully did not need stitches. We really did have fun, but with four kids there is always something. 

I also have a few of my own trips this summer. It may not be Cali, but still will be great. This Friday, I am in Rochester for an anti human trafficking event. It sounds amazing, a night for women, all wearing white.  There will be lots of great vendors, Noonday included. Flowered crowns to wear, hot air balloon rides and more. I am turning it into a little girls' night away for myself and get to have fun and help end human trafficking. It's a win-win! Looking forward to telling you more about it. And if you are in Rochester, and want to come go to this link to register. I would love to see you there!

 http://www.eventbrite.com/e/dreamy-night-wear-white-party-benefit-for-mission-21-tickets-11245759369

I also have another home project I am working on. Since we now have a new dining table, I took our old one and painted the top with chalkboard paint and am using it in the kids' play area. It will be a place where all 4 kids can fit, sit and color. The twins won't need paper they can just scribble away! 

The table is a hit. 

I also started my Intro to Psych class and I am loving it! I definitely think I have chosen the right major. Next up is Abnormal Psych and I am pretty excited for that one as well. 

This is what is new with Kane family, looking forward to long warm summer days with kiddos. Creating memories, building imaginations, homework and soaking in the short-lived MN weather. What is on your bucket list for this summer?

In defense of the helicopter Mama's

In defense of the helicopter mom....

There seems to be so many blog posts lately that are slamming overprotective moms, now labeled the "Helicopter moms." As I read the blogs, I find myself talking back to the author as if they can hear me. I get what they are saying - you want your kids to be kids and figure things out for themselves. 

I do too. But for some of us, it takes time. For others, there may be a good reason to be helicoptering so close. I am tired of the labels and the divisions they bring. It only seems to add fuel to the so-called Mommy Wars and reminds me of the division has been placed between the working mom and the SAHM. 

Are we not just Moms that are trying to do the best we can? 

I think we need more grace for one another. We need to remember that God put different things into all of us to be the best parents to the kids we have been given. Like anything, there are extremes on both sides. Yes, there are some moms who need to stop controlling every little thing their kids do. And yes, there are the moms that use the term “free range” as an excuse to avoid parenting their young children.

Frankly, I am over these articles that swing so far either way. Moms have enough to worry about. When it comes down to it, at the end of the day what matters most is that your children are loved. Period. 

I feel I want to defend the helicopter mom and speak up for her. You see, I have been that mom. And still am sometimes. But having 4 kids has helped changed me. I want to let my kids be kids and grow into strong, independent individuals. I think that we need to have a bit more empathy for the hovering mom, and try and understand her instead of persecute her.

A few thoughts came to mind that may contribute to our hovering.

For some hovering mamas, this is their first child. Please think back and recall how you felt. I think back to when I delivered my first baby. I held him and was so happy that he was finally here and I loved him so. But I also remember the "holy-crap-things-just-got-real" feeling as well. I was in charge of this brand new little person that was completely dependent on me. All of a sudden, the world seemed a bit bigger and a lot scarier then it was before. 

Even on our way home from the hospital, we drove so much slower - more keenly aware of the dangers around us. To throw us newbie parents over the edge there was a bee in our car as well. A big bee I tell you, dodging at my head. I was convinced it wanted to sting my newborn baby who was under three layers of clothing, gloves so he would scratch his face and of course a baby hat in case he was chilly. 

Liam, my first born

Remember the worries with the first? The pressure of "Am I doing this right? Is he too hot or too cold, is he swaddled right, did I burp him right, is he eating enough?" 

I had that same "things just got real" feeling after having twins too! 

Then when he began to crawl, I started to realize how many dangers lie in one room alone. If there was a left over popcorn kernel that had somehow wedged itself under the couch, he would find it and begin to choke on it. Then there's the electric cords they want to chew on, the raisin or Lego they shove in their ear or nose. 

When he began to walk, I never realized how many drawers he could get into and what danger he would find in there. I have tall children that can reach many things they should not be able to yet. When he wanted to, he could move so fast and be out of sight in seconds. And of course, stairs were a death trap. And no matter how many times I tell him to sit on his butt before we go down the stairs, he would still try to jump off the step. 

So that mom helping her 3 year old at the playground who is making sure he doesn't fall off the 15 foot drop has good intentions. She is just trying to do her job, keep him safe. And as time goes on, she will mellow out. 

I'll admit that I was a helicopter mom with my first. And ya know what? He is one secure kid. He figured out how to do the monkey bars and learned how to swing. He can talk to adults, and solve most of his issues. He taught himself how to do his scooter and has been working on skateboarding. I teach my kids to never give up no matter how long it takes. 

But enjoy that window that they want you to push them on the swing, or help them on the monkey bars. Pretty soon they will get it and have no need for you. Which obviously has its perks as well, but what I am saying it's a brief season in your life. I dont think there is anything wrong with giving your kids a little security when they are little. Now if they are a capable 8 year old and wanting you to carry them across the monkey bars, eye roll away and get back to your cellphone. I get it. 

The second reason why maybe that mom is coptering her kids at the playground is that she knows her kids better then anyone. Maybe one of her precious cherubs has been testing her all day, making some wrong choices, and Mama is now all done. Maybe they are Autistic or have some other delay or disability that you are completely unaware of, and they need to stay close. She knows her child better then you. Let's give some grace, ditch the eye roll, the judgement and remember we're all on the same team. 

Recently, I read a very popular blog where I think the title was “don't help my kids.” And again, I get her point. She wants to raise children who will figure it out on their own, who will be independent. But when I am at the playground with my 4 kiddos (and I will be coptering my 18 month old twins), and your 3 year old is in tears begging you to help and you ignore them and then they look at me begging for help. How can I not? What example is that for my children if I don't? 

In the end, no one's parenting style is exactly alike. Nor do any of us have it down perfectly. We still make mistakes and are learning our way in the toughest, most rewarding job in the world. 

Having 4 kids has changed the way I parent. I never have constantly entertained my children. But definitely after having twins, I did even less. I had not as much time that first year. They had to figure it out and play together. It strengthened their bond and they used their imagination more. They are now at the age where they can be in the yard without me and play. Everything happens in due time. And before I know it they will be driving. But it took me a little time, It just happens as they get older or as you add more children in the picture.You start to mellow, you have no choice really. I am not even phased when one my boys comes in with a skinned knee, or a big ol' bruise from some grand idea they had.  

So next time you see that anxious helicoptering mom at the play ground, let's remember that we're all different. We have all been the newbie parents. Remember she knows her child better than you. And in the end, we're all just trying to do the best we can. Lets stop furthering the divide between Mama's and give some extra grace to one another. I know I need it most days. 

Now stop reading and go play!

Mama Moments

Today was one of the worst mom mornings I have had in a long time. This morning we all woke up a little late, which in my house in unheard of. But the last two nights were late ones. Liam and I spent one night at minute clinic going for strep tests. Then last night while I was at church I get a text “you need to come home, Kellan shoved Legos up his nose and is freaking out, I think he needs to go to the ER.”  Awesome. Kellan is my four year old middle child.

Never a dull moment in the Kane household.

The funny thing is that these visits are starting to shock me less and less. If it were my first, I would be speeding home and oh so worried. I am realizing with the more kids you have, the more of a chance there is that any given day could be a day to go to the ER. I told Zak that we may need to move closer to Children’s Hospital. Oh, and yes - Kellan is just fine, one came out on his own and after much exploratory efforts by the doctor, they came to the conclusion that he must have swallowed the other. Only time will tell I suppose. ;)

My kids never sleep in. NEVER. So when they all did, we were thrown. (For the record sleeping in at our house is anything after 6:30am.)  Zak rushed off late to work. Normally, all three boys wake up at 5:30 am. Lucy, however, takes after her mother and likes to sleep in and wake up slowly. When Bennett wakes her up before she is ready, she in one unhappy little lady until she takes her nap. Lucy is my genetic defense for my own struggle in the morning. I tell Zak that I can't help it that I'm not a morning person, just look at Lucy. 

The struggle is real. 

Everything was just off this morning - crabby babies, the big boys goofing off and spilling their cereal in the process, and worst of all - low on milk, which meant no precious latte for me (I have issues). When told to go get dressed for school, the boys went in and proceeded to dump their toys around the room. As I walked in to check on them, I stepped on some Lego creation. Boy, do those things hurt! There are days I would like to ban Legos from my house forever. Especially after Kellan placed two up his nose. Legos are on my list. 

Babies raided the snack cupboard and made off with the raisins

Bennett on the table..again. They were busier than normal on this day. 

I lost it. I yelled at them to pick up and get dressed. I was just done. I think I may have grounded them from playing on the iPad for life. There weren't too many rational thoughts in my head or words coming out of my mouth. It was barely 8am and I felt like I had already failed as a mom. These are the moments that I am not proud of myself. These are the moments that I pray the kids don't remember more than our good moments. These are the moments that I wish I could rewind, walk away and take a breath and realize that what I felt was such a big deal, really isn't in the big picture. 

As we were walking out the door that morning, I stopped to tell Liam I was sorry for snapping at him. I said something like, these moments are not what I want, I don't want to be that kind of mom. He looked up at me and without hesitation he said, “You're the best Mom!!” and threw his arms around me. It made me remember what Lysa Terkust said - “Bad moments do not make bad Mamas.” They happen. We're human. Yes, I try to avoid them. I am learning how to navigate better when these moments do occur. I am starting to walk away and take breaths think about how I want to react.

A friend had sent me the book “The Hardest Peace.” On a Sunday afternoon I began to read it. I later found out that the day I started reading her words is the day she left this earth. Kara Tippetts, the author, had terminal cancer. But her book is not so much about cancer or about dying. It is about living - Truly being present in our lives, seeing the beauty. Life may not always be pretty, but there is always beauty. It's about faith and the grace God gives us during the hard moments. It was the perfect book to be reading on the day I was feeling like I was sucking at a momhood.

I read her book in a few days. Her words have left a permanent mark on me. On this day, I read this -

“The small moments have become enormous. The fire in the fireplace, the coffee in the mugs, the rib tickles, the learning to apply makeup, the singing out loud and off key-those are huge moments. Those are milestones”

Her book has reminded me to live in the present - to soak up the extra midnight snuggles with babies, to say yes more than I say no, and to find the beauty in each day, not waiting for the big moments to happen. They are happening right now, as you feed your babies, as you drive them to school. These are the big moments and every day really is a blessing.

I am far from perfect, and I will still have bad mama moments. But these moments do not define me.

I am thankful for the mama moments that I have been given. I am going to soak them up. In the book, each night she sits and takes a few minutes to rub her kids' feet and chat with them to really see their heart. I did something like this a while back. We call it “talking turns.” My Grandma had 5 kids and she did this at night with each of her kids. She gave an hour of her time each night to make sure her kids felt loved and valued as an individual.

Life was crazy the last few months and we stopped doing this. I started again this week, taking time with the boys. In those few moments to chat and pray with them and them alone. I truly see them, truly hear them. I pray that these are the moments they remember of their Mama - the times we chat about life, the talks we have over our morning Veggie Tales devotionals, our living room dance parties, all the fun we do have. The moments that seems so small to us, yet are so big to them.

"You will never have this day with your children again. Today is a gift. Breathe and notice. Study their little faces and feet. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today mama, it will be gone before you know it" -Jen Hatmaker

So enjoy your day, that amazing latte you have, the blue skies and the birds singing, the morning with your littles, sing loud in your car, or even car dance..yes, that's a thing in our family. Embrace the toys thrown across your living room and accept God's grace in the moments that we find ourselves exasperated and dry. Let's live in the moment and seize our day, for we never know how many we have. Let's make the moments count and be thankful.

“When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for this world? For us? The clouds open when we mouth thanks” -Ann Voskamp, One thousand gifts