Thankful. 

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love that it’s a season of dwelling on the good things in our lives and less on the stuff we want. I love hearing my children talking more about what they are thankful for, instead of their ever growing list of wants. Anytime I was going through a hard time in my life as a kid, my mom would tell me to go and “count my blessings.” She meant business, too. She would actually get me pen and paper and have me write them out. Even if I had started out annoyed at her simple solution, I did always start to feel better by the end of my list. It’s one of the reasons I love the worship part of church as well. When we start to lift our hands to heaven and praise the King of the world, we remember how big He is and somehow our problems seem smaller. 

As I reflect on not just this year but the many before it, I am in awe of how God has been so good to me. Even seasons that felt like hell, he used the flames to refine me, to give me a deeper appreciation for all I have, and to realize that each day is a gift and each good thing comes from above. He used every moment and season for his glory, for something greater. There were moments he pruned away my selfishness and insecurities (these two may be need ongoing maintenance), anger, and unforgiveness.

What I am most in awe of looking back is that he heard each prayer or cry that I had sent up. Each cry that was in desperation or frustration, he did hear. He may not have always answered in the way I wanted or in the timeframe I would have preferred, but my prayers were heard and answered better his way than my own.

I have been reading the book “Play with Fire” by Bianca Olthoff. It’s fantastic and you should buy it immediately. I have most the book underlined with notes written in the margins. The husband keeps asking when he can start reading it and I may have suggested he order his own copy.

What I am loving about it is that even though her story is different in circumstances and events than mine, her story is my story. It’s your story. It’s the Israelites’ story. It’s about our fight for his plans versus our plans. It’s about walking through the storms of our lives and crying out to him, surrender that we find when we have no more fight. Bianca says that “What looks like impending death or utter despair signifies the beginning of a rescue, a demonstration of resurrection or the impetus for revival.” 

I remember as a teenager being afraid to tell God to have his way in my life. I was scared he would stick me in the middle of Africa with no running water or electricity. I forget which missionary book we read in high school, but I remember a part where the missionary had a gigantic tapeworm that came up his throat looking for food.

A tapeworm. Up his throat. Nope. Not me. Please send someone else.

I was scared that what he had for me, and I would hate. I wanted to try to do life my way. Even though I still went to church and read my bible, I wasn’t fully surrendered to his plan for my life.

I was always envious of those who knew from a young age what they wanted to do or be when they grew up.

I had no clue.

I knew what I didn’t want to do. I had given my list to God many times. All I did know was that I wanted to travel and be a mom. I knew I wanted to make a difference in this world and somehow make it better. 

I remember crying out when Liam and Kellan were small and money was so tight I wasn’t sure how we were even going to be able to buy food the following week. I remember during this same season, where loneliness was my companion, as I was still adjusting to this stay-at-home mom gig. This time in my life was so overwhelming I could barely eat. If you know me, this is never a problem for me. I began praying for new friends, old friends, people to do life with. 

I look back at these seasons and I see that God never left me. He used each season for his good. He is God and he can take the worst things in our life and still find some way to redeem them if we let him.

But all of these answered prayers took steps of faith as well.

He put people or events in my path that led me to where he wanted me to be. Yes, sometimes it was all him, when he sent money out of the blue or a local pastor pulled up with a trunk full of groceries when he didn’t even know how much we needed them. But sometimes it took me stepping out of my comfort zone. For example - my very first night at Moms’ Group at church, I was terrified.

But the very first person who came up to me, not only eased my fear and made me feel welcomed, but turned out to become one of my closest friends.  

Pregnant with twins, Noonday’s vision was on my heart and I said yes to becoming an ambassador even though it didn’t make sense to start something with two impending babies. But I couldn’t shake it. Not only did it bring amazing friends into my life, it broadened my mind. I found women whose hearts were also breaking for what broke God’s and were wanting to live differently. Noonday then led me to work with IJM, and my eyes were opened even more to what was going on in the world. 

I find it ironic that after having my twins, I have traveled more than ever before. First with IJM to Washington DC to lobby. Something that, again, I was terrified to do! God has used even more trips since then to stretch me, strip down insecurities, and know that I am rooted in him. I’ve gone to Austin TX, with Noonday, Paris & Costa Rica with husband, Miami with friends, and Greece & Cyprus with church. 

If you would have told me years ago, that I would go to these places after my twins, I would have never believed you!

We serve a good God. It’s taken me years to accept and understand the depths of God’s love for us, for me. I still struggle at times with comprehending the how and why. But as a mother, I know the love I feel for my children. He loves us even more than that.

Mind blown right?

But when we start believing that, we live differently. We see everything differently. Fear and doubt may still come in, but we remember whose child we are. I stopped caring what others think of me and cared only what he thought of me. It’s freeing!

God never had to prove his love for me, but all through my life he keeps on showing me. He keeps on pursuing me. He is the only one that will work the broken things in life for good. He is the only one that will never leave us or forsake us. He will never reject me no matter what I have done. We may go through hard times but he will never leave me, and for that I am eternally thankful.

I think God wants us to cry out to him more. He already knows what you’re thinking and feeling. I still struggle and have desert seasons. I still wrestle with feelings and emotions I don’t know what to do with.

He knows you’re angry or hurt, and have so many questions...wait that might be just me.

I have so many questions, thoughts and feelings - bless it. 

He can handle it. Bring it to him. Lay it all out there. Be authentic with the one who created you. One thing Bianca says in her book that I love and triple-underlined is this:

“If God knows all - including my heart and mind - why do I have to express myself aloud to Him? Why do I have to pray? And here’s what I found. Yes, God knows our hearts and hears the faintest whispers for help rising from the deepest places in our spirits. But when we’re desperate enough to cry out, we are humbled. And when we’re humbled enough, something happens - God responds with saving power.”

So this Thanksgiving, if you find yourself in a desert in your life, I pray you seek God and cry out to him. Seek life-giving friends and a life-giving church. Say “YES” to what he puts in front of you. Take it moment by moment. I’m a believer that we were made for community and to do life together. It’s not going to be perfect. It’s going to be messy and beautiful all together. You can’t have the good without the bad...don’t make me start singing the theme song to “Facts of Life.” You get the point. The amazing thing is a lot of the time the answer is each other, were meant to do this “bruitiful” life together (thank you Momastery).

I’m so thankful that God answered my prayers and has sent me amazing group of women who make me better and friends from my past who are my soul sisters. I know that during my trials it was the “your pain is now my pain and we’re in this together” kind of friendship that kept me going. Im so thankful to my family, to my Moms and Aunts who prayed and helped whenever they could. I would not be here with out them. 

God gives us each other.

So this Thanksgiving, that verse in the bible that use to always slightly annoy me saying “rejoice during trials” is actually true. I like the message version "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try and get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you will become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way" (James 1:2-4). I am thankful for the flames that surrounded me and that keep on refining me. I am thankful for the moments I got to feel His peace and know He was there. I am thankful for the people who were Jesus to me. I am thankful that God hears my cries and loves me despite of my shortcomings. I am thankful for all he has given me, for my beautiful children and all he has restored. I am thankful he loves me, all of me.

I am thankful. 

Change your place, Change your pace, Change your perspective.

Greece. Change your place, change your pace, change your perspective. 

Fresh off the plane from a 10-day trip to Thessaloniki, Greece and Cyprus. The jetlag is kicking in and I have been awake since 3;30am am. I decided to stop fighting it and get up and make good use of my time. I will be drinking ALL the coffee today. There are so many things I want to share with you from this trip…so many stories. My prayer is always God uses my blog for his glory, and I pray it stirs something in my readers. 

“Change your place, change your pace, change your perspective” was heard many times from our missionary leader in Greece. It was one of the first things he spoke to us and as the days went on, the truth of those words rang in my ears. 

We began in Thessaloniki with the “Walk for Freedom” with the A21 Campaign. A21 fights human trafficking. This was one of the reason this trip tugged at my heart. I will never forget the day 9 years ago when I first learned about human trafficking, I will never forget that there are more in slavery today than ever before. That there are over 27 million in slavery and 2 million of those are children. The average victim is 12 years old. Of those numbers, only 1-2% are ever rescued. 

These statistics are not ok. They break my heart. But as Christine Caine has said, compassion is action. I can’t just feel bad about it and do nothing. I support groups like A21 and IJM, using my time, talent, and money as I am able. I have gone to Washington DC to lobby for change. It’s easy to think that this is some other country’s problem. But it’s happening in your own backyard, in your city.  

As we walked the streets to bring awareness to human trafficking, I prayed for Thessaloniki; that more are found, more are rescued, and more operations are shut down. After the walk was over, we were approached by a small girl, maybe 6 or 7, asking for money. She had a big scar on her face that almost looked like it was from a burn. There was something in her eyes that seemed so far off to me, almost dead…like she wasn’t there. We were informed that there are many children there that they are basically trafficked to beg for money. They injure or hurt them to gain more sympathy. Even though I know these things occur, seeing it, seeing her, broke me. The enemy is so pathetic that he goes after the innocent and the vulnerable. 

We spent one day in Greece, then headed to Cyprus. If you’re like me, you don’t really know anything about Cyprus. I assumed it was part of Greece. But I was mistaken. I quickly learned that the people of Cyprus feel like they live in a forgotten country. The island is divided with a North and South side created by a painful history of invasion and memories of violence and war. 

We spoke to many who were there, or remembered what happened to their grandparents. There is so much hurt and division. I can't help but think that satan is not too creative. It's the same lie of hate and division he has spread throughout time. It's the same spirit of hate that lives along with fear and creates division with war, racism, and politics. The North side is Muslim and the south is Greek Orthodox. It feels like two different countries. We walked the north side and heard stories of the past, feeling the oppression and the loss. The history seems complex and everyone we spoke to seemed to have a different version of the troubling story. 

Flag of the North side on the mountain

Walking the North side

A sign we saw in Greece. 

A sign that sits near the borders. 

At one point, the missionary leaders told us some of the history. He spoke a little of the refugees and I will never forget his words. As Christians we have often prayed to reach the unreachable in the places that will never have a chance to hear about Jesus. I remember as a kid growing up in church, hearing from missionaries and having our church pray for the unreachable. In a way, our prayers are being answered. They are showing up on our shores in the thousands. I wonder how many people who prayed those prayers are now saying “No Vacancy Here.” People are broken, weary, and looking for something more. This is our moment to embrace them, to be Jesus to them, and be the kind of Christians that will be impactful in reaching out to them. Let’s not build walls, and shut our doors. Let’s show them the love of Jesus. 

While we were on Cyprus some of us helped out with some construction projects. Some of us went onto the College campus to get to know the culture and really just build relationships. That is how our missionaries work. They “do life” with the people they are trying to reach. At first I was a little nervous to just walk up to complete strangers and start a conversation. The Lord knows I can talk and have more words than necessary. But getting the ball rolling seemed awkward to me at first. 

I decided to embrace the awkward. And it went better than I expected. 

It was fascinating to talk with others - to hear how they viewed us, what their family dynamic and views of religion are like. My favorites to talk with were the freshman girls. My mama heart just went out to them. The first year in school, away from home, trying to figure out what you want to do for school. I remember those years, and the excitement and yet the feeling of being lost. 

My favorite question to ask them was “what would be your dream job, if you could do anything in the world?” I loved to see their faces light up as they talked about what they wanted to do and where they wanted to live. See, they may be halfway across the world and seem so different, but really they aren’t that different from us. They have hopes, dreams, and ideas. And they have a longing for something more. One of the things our missionary said was that it may not seem like a big thing talking with people, but he challenged us to ask their names and pray for them…you may be the only person who ever says a prayer for them. That made an impact on me. I know the power of prayer, how it has shaped me, and I am here and who I am because of the prayers that were said for me.

Some of the new friends we made! 

On this trip there was a verse that really stuck out to me found in Psalms 51;12 “Restore the Joy of my salvation to me, and give me a willing spirit.” 

This is what God did for me on this trip, I have always been glad I know Jesus and thankful for what he did for me. But I have forgotten what a privilege I have that I live in a place where I have always known his name and that I will not be persecuted for my faith; or disowned by my family and friends if I choose to follow Jesus. I know that life is better with Jesus and that there is healing with him. That he can heal and restore when we do not see a way. What is impossible for us is possible for him. 

I’ve seen this firsthand in my life and especially in my marriage. 

It’s hard to see a way for reconciliation between the two sides of Cyprus. But I know with Jesus all things are possible. I have a new joy of my salvation. I pray for a willing spirit. A willing spirit not just in what we view to be the big things, but in the small things as well. A willing spirt amongst the mundane days of my life; in stopping to talk with people, in building relationships, in listening to that small voice to stop and pray or helping others. 

See, I always thought my heart was global. My prayer has always been to let my heart break for what breaks God’s. But I came home with my heart being more missional. I need to live in a way that brings light to others and remember that every moment can matter. We can do that right here, every day. 

Coincidentally, on my first day home I was back at my Target (my second home). The cashier commented on how she hasn’t seen me for a while. This is when you realize you are here too much. In my defense, I often come with as a party of 5 and we seem to be a memorable group. But today I learned that she was from Syria and she still has a sister and most of her family there. We talked briefly about church and about war. My kids asked me in front of her, “Is this your friend, mom?” “She is now,” I said. 

I see her there all the time. She works a lot. I will be choosing her line more and keep that conversation going. My heart breaks for her - being torn from your world, leaving family behind. The verse Psalms 51:12-13 goes on to say that “Restore the joy of my salvation, and give me a willing spirit. Then I will teach the rebellious your ways and the sinners will return to you.”

We have divine appointments all around us. Our interactions each day affect those around us. I pray I keep that boldness, exude the joy of my Jesus, and that my eyes and ears are open each day to those around me. 

I had one other cool thing I have to share as well…

On our last day, we were back in Thessaloniki. We drove out to Philippi, the ancient city you can read about in Acts 16. It’s one of my favorite stories in the Bible - when Paul and Silas are thrown into jail. There was an earthquake and they could have walked right out. But instead, they bring the guard to faith. Again our missionary with gave us some great perspective in this story.

In later chapters, Paul goes on and when stopped again he uses his Roman citizenship to help him. What’s interesting is that he could have done that in  the Philippi situation as well. But he did not. He chose to be beaten, broken, and jailed for the glory of God. He said that sometimes we have to lay down our rights or privilege for others to see God or for others to come to faith. I love when you can read the Bible your whole life and never see it like that. 

As we walked through what was once the marketplace in Philippi, I had the strongest feeling of Déjà vu; like nothing I have ever had. Then I remembered the dream I had many months ago, when going to Greece was just a small thought in my head. I had a dream that I was walking through ruins with people I did not know. In my dream, I was worried about snakes. I wasn’t afraid, though. I remember thinking it was an odd dream. I wrote it in my journal and thought maybe I was supposed to go to Greece. That moment walking through, I had been there before. The worry of snakes came from the children we were with who kept saying they had seen snakes there. 

Indiana Jones and I have the same phobia. I hate snakes. 

I have no idea why I dreamed of that moment, or what it all means. But for me, it was just a confirmation that I was supposed to be on this trip. 

The River Valley global team at Philippi

The place where Paul was taken captive, go re read Acts 16! Pretty amazing. 

Walking the ruins of Phillipi

One of the guys on our trip said that “Cyprus and Greece were now tattooed on his heart.” I think that is true for all of us. I will never forget the forgotten country, the faces I met, or the stories I heard. I will not forget the modern day apostles I met and the love of Jesus I saw on their faces. I will never forget their willing spirits and the obedience they have in following Jesus. To me they are heroes and I was honored to spend a few days with them. I will never forget the power of prayer or how it felt when praying and worshiping God in a dark place. I will never forget the people on my trip and how God wove together everyone to be there. This trip changed lives within our group. 

So if you’ve been on the fence about going on a trip, I encourage you to just go - change your place, change your pace, change your perspective. 

Such an amazing group of people, loved our team!

Had to share this pic too, the beautiful shores of Cyprus. I have a story to share about this too but that will have to be for another blog. 

Change your place, Change your pace, Change your perspective.

Greece. Change your place, change your pace, change your perspective. 

Fresh off the plane from a 10-day trip to Thessaloniki, Greece and Cyprus. The jetlag is kicking in and I have been awake since 3;30am am. I decided to stop fighting it and get up and make good use of my time. I will be drinking ALL the coffee today. There are so many things I want to share with you from this trip…so many stories. My prayer is always God uses my blog for his glory, and I pray it stirs something in my readers. 

“Change your place, change your pace, change your perspective” was heard many times from our missionary leader in Greece. It was one of the first things he spoke to us and as the days went on, the truth of those words rang in my ears. 

We began in Thessaloniki with the “Walk for Freedom” with the A21 Campaign. A21 fights human trafficking. This was one of the reason this trip tugged at my heart. I will never forget the day 9 years ago when I first learned about human trafficking, I will never forget that there are more in slavery today than ever before. That there are over 27 million in slavery and 2 million of those are children. The average victim is 12 years old. Of those numbers, only 1-2% are ever rescued. 

These statistics are not ok. They break my heart. But as Christine Caine has said, compassion is action. I can’t just feel bad about it and do nothing. I support groups like A21 and IJM, using my time, talent, and money as I am able. I have gone to Washington DC to lobby for change. It’s easy to think that this is some other country’s problem. But it’s happening in your own backyard, in your city.  

As we walked the streets to bring awareness to human trafficking, I prayed for Thessaloniki; that more are found, more are rescued, and more operations are shut down. After the walk was over, we were approached by a small girl, maybe 6 or 7, asking for money. She had a big scar on her face that almost looked like it was from a burn. There was something in her eyes that seemed so far off to me, almost dead…like she wasn’t there. We were informed that there are many children there that they are basically trafficked to beg for money. They injure or hurt them to gain more sympathy. Even though I know these things occur, seeing it, seeing her, broke me. The enemy is so pathetic that he goes after the innocent and the vulnerable. 

We spent one day in Greece, then headed to Cyprus. If you’re like me, you don’t really know anything about Cyprus. I assumed it was part of Greece. But I was mistaken. I quickly learned that the people of Cyprus feel like they live in a forgotten country. The island is divided with a North and South side created by a painful history of invasion and memories of violence and war. 

We spoke to many who were there, or remembered what happened to their grandparents. There is so much hurt and division. I can't help but think that satan is not too creative. It's the same lie of hate and division he has spread throughout time. It's the same spirit of hate that lives along with fear and creates division with war, racism, and politics. The North side is Muslim and the south is Greek Orthodox. It feels like two different countries. We walked the north side and heard stories of the past, feeling the oppression and the loss. The history seems complex and everyone we spoke to seemed to have a different version of the troubling story. 

Flag of the North side on the mountain

Walking the North side

A sign we saw in Greece. 

A sign that sits near the borders. 

At one point, the missionary leaders told us some of the history. He spoke a little of the refugees and I will never forget his words. As Christians we have often prayed to reach the unreachable in the places that will never have a chance to hear about Jesus. I remember as a kid growing up in church, hearing from missionaries and having our church pray for the unreachable. In a way, our prayers are being answered. They are showing up on our shores in the thousands. I wonder how many people who prayed those prayers are now saying “No Vacancy Here.” People are broken, weary, and looking for something more. This is our moment to embrace them, to be Jesus to them, and be the kind of Christians that will be impactful in reaching out to them. Let’s not build walls, and shut our doors. Let’s show them the love of Jesus. 

While we were on Cyprus some of us helped out with some construction projects. Some of us went onto the College campus to get to know the culture and really just build relationships. That is how our missionaries work. They “do life” with the people they are trying to reach. At first I was a little nervous to just walk up to complete strangers and start a conversation. The Lord knows I can talk and have more words than necessary. But getting the ball rolling seemed awkward to me at first. 

I decided to embrace the awkward. And it went better than I expected. 

It was fascinating to talk with others - to hear how they viewed us, what their family dynamic and views of religion are like. My favorites to talk with were the freshman girls. My mama heart just went out to them. The first year in school, away from home, trying to figure out what you want to do for school. I remember those years, and the excitement and yet the feeling of being lost. 

My favorite question to ask them was “what would be your dream job, if you could do anything in the world?” I loved to see their faces light up as they talked about what they wanted to do and where they wanted to live. See, they may be halfway across the world and seem so different, but really they aren’t that different from us. They have hopes, dreams, and ideas. And they have a longing for something more. One of the things our missionary said was that it may not seem like a big thing talking with people, but he challenged us to ask their names and pray for them…you may be the only person who ever says a prayer for them. That made an impact on me. I know the power of prayer, how it has shaped me, and I am here and who I am because of the prayers that were said for me.

Some of the new friends we made! 

On this trip there was a verse that really stuck out to me found in Psalms 51;12 “Restore the Joy of my salvation to me, and give me a willing spirit.” 

This is what God did for me on this trip, I have always been glad I know Jesus and thankful for what he did for me. But I have forgotten what a privilege I have that I live in a place where I have always known his name and that I will not be persecuted for my faith; or disowned by my family and friends if I choose to follow Jesus. I know that life is better with Jesus and that there is healing with him. That he can heal and restore when we do not see a way. What is impossible for us is possible for him. 

I’ve seen this firsthand in my life and especially in my marriage. 

It’s hard to see a way for reconciliation between the two sides of Cyprus. But I know with Jesus all things are possible. I have a new joy of my salvation. I pray for a willing spirit. A willing spirit not just in what we view to be the big things, but in the small things as well. A willing spirt amongst the mundane days of my life; in stopping to talk with people, in building relationships, in listening to that small voice to stop and pray or helping others. 

See, I always thought my heart was global. My prayer has always been to let my heart break for what breaks God’s. But I came home with my heart being more missional. I need to live in a way that brings light to others and remember that every moment can matter. We can do that right here, every day. 

Coincidentally, on my first day home I was back at my Target (my second home). The cashier commented on how she hasn’t seen me for a while. This is when you realize you are here too much. In my defense, I often come with as a party of 5 and we seem to be a memorable group. But today I learned that she was from Syria and she still has a sister and most of her family there. We talked briefly about church and about war. My kids asked me in front of her, “Is this your friend, mom?” “She is now,” I said. 

I see her there all the time. She works a lot. I will be choosing her line more and keep that conversation going. My heart breaks for her - being torn from your world, leaving family behind. The verse Psalms 51:12-13 goes on to say that “Restore the joy of my salvation, and give me a willing spirit. Then I will teach the rebellious your ways and the sinners will return to you.”

We have divine appointments all around us. Our interactions each day affect those around us. I pray I keep that boldness, exude the joy of my Jesus, and that my eyes and ears are open each day to those around me. 

I had one other cool thing I have to share as well…

On our last day, we were back in Thessaloniki. We drove out to Philippi, the ancient city you can read about in Acts 16. It’s one of my favorite stories in the Bible - when Paul and Silas are thrown into jail. There was an earthquake and they could have walked right out. But instead, they bring the guard to faith. Again our missionary with gave us some great perspective in this story.

In later chapters, Paul goes on and when stopped again he uses his Roman citizenship to help him. What’s interesting is that he could have done that in  the Philippi situation as well. But he did not. He chose to be beaten, broken, and jailed for the glory of God. He said that sometimes we have to lay down our rights or privilege for others to see God or for others to come to faith. I love when you can read the Bible your whole life and never see it like that. 

As we walked through what was once the marketplace in Philippi, I had the strongest feeling of Déjà vu; like nothing I have ever had. Then I remembered the dream I had many months ago, when going to Greece was just a small thought in my head. I had a dream that I was walking through ruins with people I did not know. In my dream, I was worried about snakes. I wasn’t afraid, though. I remember thinking it was an odd dream. I wrote it in my journal and thought maybe I was supposed to go to Greece. That moment walking through, I had been there before. The worry of snakes came from the children we were with who kept saying they had seen snakes there. 

Indiana Jones and I have the same phobia. I hate snakes. 

I have no idea why I dreamed of that moment, or what it all means. But for me, it was just a confirmation that I was supposed to be on this trip. 

The River Valley global team at Philippi

The place where Paul was taken captive, go re read Acts 16! Pretty amazing. 

Walking the ruins of Phillipi

One of the guys on our trip said that “Cyprus and Greece were now tattooed on his heart.” I think that is true for all of us. I will never forget the forgotten country, the faces I met, or the stories I heard. I will not forget the modern day apostles I met and the love of Jesus I saw on their faces. I will never forget their willing spirits and the obedience they have in following Jesus. To me they are heroes and I was honored to spend a few days with them. I will never forget the power of prayer or how it felt when praying and worshiping God in a dark place. I will never forget the people on my trip and how God wove together everyone to be there. This trip changed lives within our group. 

So if you’ve been on the fence about going on a trip, I encourage you to just go - change your place, change your pace, change your perspective. 

Such an amazing group of people, loved our team!

Had to share this pic too, the beautiful shores of Cyprus. I have a story to share about this too but that will have to be for another blog. 

A Husband's View - A Challenge for Men

*Guest Post from "The Husband" - or as those in Philly would say, "Husbint"

Yesterday, Gina shared a post of our story. It was meant to be a post that would bring hope to those that may be in a similar situation as we were last year. We didn't imagine it being viewed and shared as much as it was.

In the last 24 hours, stories have poured in of couples that need healing. Most of these stories come from women that are longing for something more from their marriages. Many of these stories come from a place of helplessness, just as Gina had last summer. Their husbands' hearts have hardened. Their husbands won't do the things necessary to love the woman that they promised to take care of. 

Interestingly enough, I haven't heard from one husband. Which means that either men are being typical "men" and not asking for help or they are completely oblivious to the heart that they are breaking on a daily basis. 

So this one is for the men.

Guys - a few questions for starters -

Are you happy? Really...are you happy? Are you fulfilled in your life - your marriage, your career, your family, your purpose?

Next one - and this is harder - Is your wife happy? If yes, how do you know? Have you asked her? If no, why? And what are you doing about it?

Now some background...

Eleven years ago, I promised before family, friends, and God to love my wife until the day I died. Fast-forward 9 years, and I told that same woman that I was no longer in love with her. That I was broken and didn't think things could ever be fixed. I was unhappy, and thought that she was the source of that unhappiness. She was heartbroken and even though I apologized and said that it was only in the heat of the moment that I said it, she withdrew. She naturally didn't trust me with her heart and the innocence of our love had been violated. 

And now the REALLY not fun part

We struggled on, but the effect of that moment carried on for the next year. It culminated in me starting an emotional affair, and yet again telling my beautiful bride that I didn't want to be married anymore. That my feelings for her were dead. This time, it wasn't in the heat of the moment. It was real, and it was final. We started talking about the logistics of a divorce and how we would exist in a post-marriage life. We also decided that we would try to patch things up for a bit, if only for the kids' sake. 

What I didn't know is that Gina had a Holy Spirit fire in her at that moment. She decided that if our marriage was to be lost, it would not be without a fight. She bought me a book that I had never read - The Resolution for Men. 

Now, I hadn't historically read a lot of "Christian Inspiration" books. I might pick them up and read a few chapters and put them down only to gather dust. This one looked like it would be no exception. I decided that I would browse through it and read just enough to be able to answer a few questions that Gina might ask. I certainly didn't expect that it would rock my world.

The opening stories in the book involve a perspective on legacy. It outlines how one decision of a man changed his legacy from one of heartache and destitution to one of success, love, and joy. And he changed it not just for himself, but for his children and his childrens' children. It broke me. What legacy was I leaving? If I made this decision, how would it affect me, my kids, and my grandkids? The gravity of the situation increased. It wasn't about me and Gina, it was about our generations.

I continued reading the book and was constantly challenged by the philosophies of leadership, of self-control, of love. Still, I made it about me. It was about improving ME instead of improving my home. 

About the night that Gina mentioned in her blog...

We were coming to a close of our Cape May adventure that we both thought would be our last family vacation. Gina asked about the future, and I couldn't answer. I tore off from our campsite and simply said that I needed time to think. She was worried. My family was worried. Even I was worried. I was sitting on a park bench in the beautiful little area around Cape May's outdoor mall. One bench over was a man sleeping on it. As clearly as I've ever heard God speak, I heard "you can either let your bad experiences ruin you, or you can let them shape you into the man I want you to be." I sat there weeping for a long while. I decided then that I would let all the bad of the past shape me and mold me, however painfully, into a man of legacy instead of ruin.

I bought a small wooden sign that we saw earlier in the day. It said "Cape May is my Happy Place." I still look at that sign almost every day. It reminds me of that night. That moment. 

All of the changes didn't happen overnight. Like sharpening an old rusted blade, the process took time. But over the next two months, we fixed it. It took humility on both sides. We both apologized a LOT. By the time we hopped on a flight to Paris, it was evident that neither of us was going anywhere. That we'd stay and fight for our marriage. It's worth every minute of effort. I have the love of my life. And (most days) she has hers :)

Men, if you've read this far, or if you read nothing but this paragraph, here's my advice and key points:

• Your happiness does not reside in another woman
• Your happiness does not reside as a single person (if you're currently married)
• Your "feelings" will lie to you. Often. 
• If your marriage isn't a happy place - It is likely your fault.

Yes, you read that right. Your fault. Chances are, your wife is begging you on the inside to be the man she married. Everything she says to you, every time she's frustrated with you, every time she gives you a hard time -- That's her outward way of trying to push you to step up and be the man of her dreams. Be that man. You can do it. In fact, I DARE you to do it. See, I've found that when women tell a man to be a man, she's seen as a nag (or worse); when a man tells another man to step up - it's a challenge...and men LOVE a good challenge.

Remember when you first were dating? Remember nights out and long talks? Remember showering and dressing up for those nights? Do you still do that? Do you still love her and SHOW that you love her? Because guess what - if you don't, another man will. And if you've neglected your wife, chances are, you'll do it to the next one. 

Fix it. Your moment is now. Your legacy or your ruin can begin today. I dare you to step up and be the man that you KNOW you are. You ARE strong. You ARE capable. You CAN do this. It won't be easy, but when has anything worth having EVER come easily? 

The mess becomes the message.

Friday the 16^th marked our 11th wedding anniversary! How crazy is that? This year, we took some time to reflect on the last year; how we got here, and how far God has brought us. We both felt that it was about time to share more of our story.

For us, this anniversary felt more special than our 10^th. This one carried more depth and more meaning for us. I dare say it almost felt like a first for us.

See - a little over a year ago, we had a bomb dropped in our marriage. This was just months after a previous bomb had been dealt with (see previous blog - "Forever Winter"), and we had bandaged up and carried on. As my wounds were finally beginning to heal, my husband’s were unravelling. Mental illness did not help him and some poor choices were made.

It’s his story. It’s my story. It’s our story. I don’t need to share all the gritty details to get my point across. There is something in sharing with you that can be so freeing. Sometimes, to share the amazing things God has done in our lives, you have to share the not-so-great things that have happened. There are things the devil wants us to be ashamed about and hide; so we keep what God did a secret, so we can keep our pride.

Our stories, our messes, and the restoration that only God can do is what we need share more of.

Our marriage was shattered. Our hearts were broken. And it seemed like it was over. I had numbers of lawyers to call. It was really happening. It felt surreal. And I wondered how we got here. I knew how, but it felt so unfair. My heart finally was ready to love and trust again, and his heart was closed. 

After this bomb had been dropped and after much discussion, we decided we should “try again.” But it seemed half-hearted; an “I owe it to you” kind of try. I wasn’t sure what direction we would end up going.

In this time of uncertainty and heartbreak, I had peace that I had never felt. This was a peace that “passed all understanding.” It was a “be still and know that I am God” moment. In all my days forward, I will never forget it. This did not mean I was upbeat and sunshine and roses. I still had days where all I could do was cry and moments that the sadness seemed too much. I was mourning what was, what could’ve been, and the loss of my best friend.

The peace I had was in knowing that God was with me and either way I was going to be okay. I had my close girlfriends praying hard. I had my mom and mother-in-law praying. It was war. I fought hard in prayer for my marriage. We had come out of so much to lose it here. We still loved each other, we may not be able to fix this but God could.

And you know what? He did. He showed up big time.

We were on our way out east for a family road trip to visit my husband’s family. Because why not pack up four small kids and trek across the country when your husband is a little manic and your marriage is hanging on by a thread?! Sounds like a perfectly good idea.

I had started to see some changes and glimmers of hope in our marriage before we left. A few weeks earlier we were sent some amazing books (The Resolution For Men, and the Resolution for Women) and they were really giving us some great perspective. Zak couldn’t put his book down. We would stay up late talking about our new revelations.

The trip actually went surprisingly smooth. I think in the back of our minds we thought this might be our last family trip, so let’s make it a good one. We had time to talk, cry, and laugh. We were in the moment. We avoided talk about the future as much as we could. Towards the end of our trip one late night, all I can share is that God got a hold of my husband. There was much crying, hugging, apologies, and healing that happened that night. Walls were torn down, and we were set on a new path. God changed me too. He softened my heart and we were healed and restored in a way that only God can do. Since that day, our marriage has never felt the same as before. Maybe that should be our new anniversary.

So much restoration has happened in this last year; not just in our marriage, but in our finances, in our family, and in ourselves. I believe God is not even close to being done yet and is just getting started with us. We both have the marriage that our hearts had been wanting for so many years. God has been so good and faithful to us.

We spent our 11th anniversary with our kids and had a special family night at the Mall of America at Build-A-Bear –something the kids have wanted to do in forever and we always said no, or someday. So it was fun to surprise them with a special night. A few days later, we went and celebrated. It was my husband’s turn to plan and all he told me it would be like a day in Paris. So I wore the dress I bought for Paris the previous year but didn’t get to wear due to weather. We had an amazing lunch out, a glass of wine that reminded us of our honeymoon in Napa. We talked, dreamed, planned, and prayed about our life together.  We then went to the Minnesota Institute of Art, visited the Monet exhibit and took in some beauty. It was a beautiful day and I look forward to many more.

Off to celebrate our anniversary 

I wish I could leave with you with 5 easy steps to fix your marriage, but I can’t. All I know is that I think we need to fight for our marriage every day. You both need to be all in, trying to out-give and out-love the other. Your feelings are not always your truth, prayer is your most powerful tool, and that there is always hope. Always. Hope in our God - you may not be able to fix your marriage, but he can. You may not be able to change your circumstances, but he can. Never stop seeking him - don’t get too comfy, don’t settle for less, pray hard for each other, for your children. God is in the restoration business. It’s what he does, and has been doing since Genesis. Let him in your heart and your home and see what he can change - seek his face and in the end you will be okay no matter what.